Kim Rossi

Surf Pal Postponed

The Surf Pal event has been postponed until tomorrow due to horrendous riptides off the coast of LI and elsewhere here in the NorthEast. (Three people are dead, three missing.) Shame - because we were really looking forward to the event.

The saddest part? No photos of me in the Cha Cha DeGregorio suit. But fear not! I am a creative woman. I was able to recreate how I would have looked at the event, taking into account my husband's comment that the suit made me look like a Tootsie Roll. (No, he will never live this down, I'm already ordering his tombstone to read "Mark Stagliano, who told his wife she looked like a Tootsie Roll in her swimsuit on July 25th 2008.") And the creep is right. We all have our "problem" areas in our figure. Mine is the two inches below my belly button and above never-you-mind. Those damn Steven's Bakery Whoopie Pies that I've taken to like a whale covets krill are taking their toll. I begged off them a month ago. I'm running. Hell, I've even taken two Jazzercise classes in an effort to look more like, hmmm, a Pixie Stick.

Anyway, here's a set of photos for you. Feel free to tell me just how ugly this suit really is. I'm giving it to Mia. My 13 year old. She'll wear it far better than I.

Here is the offending garment. Note Bella's look of pure disgust. "Mom, I mean really? What were you thinking?"

Here's the Cha Cha bottom. Note the pillow pouf over the edges, in a realistic rendition of my pasty white body spilling over the top.

This will give you an appreciation for what a closeout fabric looks like, as purchased by a low end bathing suit manufacturer.

Again, the pillow does not lie. This is pillow's fine, dead on accurate portrayal of how the top would have looked on me. Perhaps heavy on a feather or two. But damn close.

Ah! The only potential bright spot in my outfit. I had planned to wear my "John Elder Robison Free Range Aspergian" baseball cap. Alas, I fear the cap could never have competed with Cha Cha.