Sunday, July 27, 2008

Surf Pal Postponed

The Surf Pal event has been postponed until tomorrow due to horrendous riptides off the coast of LI and elsewhere here in the NorthEast. (Three people are dead, three missing.) Shame - because we were really looking forward to the event.

The saddest part? No photos of me in the Cha Cha DeGregorio suit. But fear not! I am a creative woman. I was able to recreate how I would have looked at the event, taking into account my husband's comment that the suit made me look like a Tootsie Roll. (No, he will never live this down, I'm already ordering his tombstone to read "Mark Stagliano, who told his wife she looked like a Tootsie Roll in her swimsuit on July 25th 2008.") And the creep is right. We all have our "problem" areas in our figure. Mine is the two inches below my belly button and above never-you-mind. Those damn Steven's Bakery Whoopie Pies that I've taken to like a whale covets krill are taking their toll. I begged off them a month ago. I'm running. Hell, I've even taken two Jazzercise classes in an effort to look more like, hmmm, a Pixie Stick.

Anyway, here's a set of photos for you. Feel free to tell me just how ugly this suit really is. I'm giving it to Mia. My 13 year old. She'll wear it far better than I.

Here is the offending garment. Note Bella's look of pure disgust. "Mom, I mean really? What were you thinking?"


Here's the Cha Cha bottom. Note the pillow pouf over the edges, in a realistic rendition of my pasty white body spilling over the top.

This will give you an appreciation for what a closeout fabric looks like, as purchased by a low end bathing suit manufacturer.


Again, the pillow does not lie. This is pillow's fine, dead on accurate portrayal of how the top would have looked on me. Perhaps heavy on a feather or two. But damn close.


Ah! The only potential bright spot in my outfit. I had planned to wear my "John Elder Robison Free Range Aspergian" baseball cap. Alas, I fear the cap could never have competed with Cha Cha.

13 comments:

Robin said...

"Cotton Candy, Sweer and Low, Let me see that tootsie roll!" LOL

That is a seriously ugly suit. I am sure it would have looked better on you.

Amanda said...

What were you thinking?? and did you HAVE to do the close-up of the print? LOL!!

Gotta get me one of those caps tho', love the slogan

Petra said...

thanks for making me laugh so hard that I cried...

And you know how MUCH I needed a good laugh today.. it's been quite a day out here..

(and my word verification is zutwhy..)

Kim Stagliano said...

Zuthwhy? Is that Netherlandish or German?

John Elder Robison said...

They have topless and bottomless beaches down in the Caribbean. Those places were created to just avoid bringing suits like that out.

Kim Stagliano said...

Hey, John! I'm not sure that would be much of an improvement!
Woof!

Kelli Ann Davis said...

Okay Mark. You are like totally *off the hook* on the tootsie roll comment. Heck, that was *nice* compared to what I'm thinking!

Crap. That suit is making me think of "Laugh In" (now I'm really aging myself -- that's right Michelle, early 60's which makes me wayyyyy over 30) and for some reason it's making me think of Baskin Robbin's Bubblegum ice cream and that's *not* a good thing.

Amy said...

Ha! That's awesome. And I'll be singing that Tootsie Roll song all day thanks to Robin. "To the left...to the left..."

drama mama said...

Uh...I'm just pissed that you didn't model it yourself.

Oh, and where did you get that SUPER COOL baseball hat!!!

LCM said...

Cute!!! For a blind 2 year old....

Michelle O'Neil said...

You are one funny chick Ms. Stagliano.

Love the hat!

Laurie said...

Ahhh, once again we have SVIMWEAR on the mind - just remember that even an Irish/Italian like you can't make EVERY suit look so good! Send it to the Germans!

Anonymous said...

I have never seen such an ugly bathing suit and I live at the New jersey Shore and therefore have seen many, many ugly bathing suits.
Could you PLEASE give your recipe for eggplant parm?
-Jill