Wednesday, October 24, 2007




Ladies, Eat Those Fried Twinkies! GET FAT!


Why? Simple. My favorite Levi's are no longer sold. I mean my all time favorite fit me like a glove oh my God these were made with my ass in mind Levi's. Now, I love me a good pair of $185 Seven for All Mankind or Joe's Jeans, don't get me wrong. But the all American Levi's dungaree is my all purpose go to item in my closet.


So why am I encouraging you to eat fried Twinkies and get fat? Because when you get on that scale and see the pounds creep up you'll run to your closet and try on your all time favorite fit you like a glove oh my God these were made with your ass in mind Levi's. And you will not be able to zip them. You might not even be able to get your entire leg into them. And once they become your Holy shit these god damned jeans are so freaking tight I look like I'm wrapped in sausage casing and I can't breathe Levi's you will put them onto ebay. And I will buy them. And wash them with hot water and bleach when they arrive in case you have a case of the ickies. Just to be safe.


So eat up ladies. Mangia. And look for STAGMOM on ebay. I'll be bidding.

14 comments:

amanda said...

You too huh? My best jeans (by Long Tall Sally) have discontinued too. You could have my cast offs for free but I fear you would be calling for help somewhere around the knee like a cat stuck down a well...forget to say in the last section - GREAT photo of tiddler!

13 said...
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Kim Stagliano said...

Amanda, what is "Tiddler?" Sounds naughty. 13 - very funny! But we have our fair share of fried foods here too in the NE. Although I've never seen a fried candy bar - though I've read about them. Fried clams! Clam cakes! (Fried dough balls with a hint of essence of clam) Fried dough! Fried Chowda! ;)

amanda said...

a tiddler is an endearment refering to a small child, also a small fish.

I have a Ukrainian neighbour who makes the most amazing russian doughnut things with quark - that makes them low fat, right?

Deep fired Mars bars in Glasgow apparently....

Kathryn Johansen said...

I think Paula Deen should put out her own line of jeans that the fit the behinds of all Southerners.

Kim Stagliano said...

A Mars bar I think is our Snickers. Peanuts and nougat and caramel? A Mars here is white nougat and almonds with caramel. I recall being in Ireland and taken aback by the bastardization of the Mars bar abroad!

Michelle O'Neil said...

Fried twinkies? Ick! Not on your life.

I can eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's in one sitting however. No problem.

FYI: My ass is back down to baseline after a short stint. Sorry, you can't have my jeans. They would be too short on you anyway.

amanda said...

snickers is snickers here too - used to be a marathon but that's globalisation for you! Mars is nougat and caramel surrounded by chocolate, used to be my all time favourite PMS cure but alas no more

ORION said...

Fried twinkies?
FRIED??!!

The Anti-Wife said...

They have fried twinkies at all the county and state fairs now.

The problem with your theory is; most of those women are totally convinced they're going to lose all that weight any day now and then they'll fit into those jeans again so they're not getting rid of them and will start their diets right after they eat that last fried twinkie.

LadyBronco said...

Hahahahahahaha!

*But*

Fried twinkies are so very nasty.

I'm with Michelle on the Ben & Jerry's. Carmel Sutra - oh yeah.

The Muse said...

Kim,

Deep fried Twinkies, Eew! Now ladybronco has the right idea, Ben & Jerry's by the quart.


Anti-Wife,

You are exactly right! Women hold onto those size 4 jeans with the hope of someday fitting back into them. I have an assortment of sizes in my closets. My son's name is Chazz so I refer to anything prior to him as B.C., before Chazz. I could sell Kim a cedar closet full of B.C. clothes but that would be giving up on my dream of being that small again. My 10-year-old son (who is not fat) now weighs more than I did on my wedding day!

Matt-Man said...

Chicken Fried Bacon may get them out of their jeans a little quicker. Cheers!!

Kim Stagliano said...

Matt-Man you'd know if anyone about getting a gal out of her jeans! Although I'm not sure you're looking for the ones who've busted out of their jeans.

Happy Friday! I'll be right over.