Saturday, January 27, 2007

The death of civility. Or "I gotta have these!"

This post is for anyone who reads this blog. Frustrated writers? Grumpy autism moms and dads? Even the occasional family member who wanders in to say hello.

First: Click here: and look VERY closely at the verbiage on the card. Then play around the site a bit. Really. Go ahead. I'll be right here waiting for you. Oh, cover your keyboard and hide the children.

Tick tick tick tick tick, get coffee, tick tick tick, get scone, tick tick tick DING!

Oh! You're back. So, what did you think? Is civility completely extinct or did you order a case of every style?

Potential uses for these include (feel free to add your own.)

1) To the neurologist who diagnosed your child and simply said "Come back in a year."
2) To the agent who never bothered to respond to the query that took you 15 days to write even though you sent a non-lick, self stick SASE and your stamp was straight.
3) To the insurance company who will not pay for speech therapy for your non verbal child but will pay for your neighbor's kids "deviated septum."
4) To the idiots who say "We're just better at diagnosing autism, there is no increase in numbers" as another private autism school opens up in your area. The third in two years....
5) To the anonymous posters everywhere who cut and run after ripping you apart. Wimps.
6) To the people everywhere who diss your dreams, stomp on your stretches of imagination and generally make you feel like crap.

No need to send one to the lovely Ella, who launched the company though.


Harvey Moskowitz said...

What about that girl from high school, who used you to get to the football party and then blew you off so she could blow on the captain of the football team? I hear she has an eating disorder now, so I guess it all evens out in the end.

Kim Stagliano said...

Harvey, always a pleasure.

Bitin_the_hand_that_fedme said...

Well said, Harvey, and you ARE correct.
Kim, they forgot one for "Mother Fuckers Day." No explanation needed.

LadyBronco said...

How about the one for the boss who takes credit for a project that you just worked your ass off for 3 months to complete?

Although...anonymous posters really piss me off too. What a bunch of cowards.

Laura said...

How about a nice horse pic with, "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on"? Always a fave phrase of mine. I'll have to buy these - they're great! I know we all hate anonymous comments, but do you think I could get away with an anonymous F You card to my son's ex-teacher when he finally switches to a class full of equally "immature" 5 year olds?

The Wandering Author said...

Kim, thank you! I enjoyed that link for a reason I doubt you even noticed. At the bottom, there is a link that reads "Letterpress". I have done a fair amount of letterpress printing. The supplies are becoming harder and harder to get, and I thought it was dying. Thanks for showing me it may not be!

About sending one of those cards to an agent... I do understand the feeling. But if you read the various agents' blogs, agents and editors tend to have long memories, and they talk... so it might be safer just to enjoy thinking about sending it.

If you can find a way to identify the anonymous posters, please let me know. I had a "Mike" leave an anti-Semitic comment on a post I did about Anne Frank's chestnut tree - and he'd marked his profile Private so I couldn't look him up and tell him what I thought. If I ever find him, I'll send him a dozen of those cards.

H. Gould said...

She had short hair, parted to the side -- but that was OK with me.

She wore her brother's hand-me-down shirts that were too big for her -- but that was OK with me.

Her younger sister gained notoriety by servicing the wrestling team each day after school -- but that was OK with me.

She used to listen to Simon & Garfunkel eight-tracks during the MTV-era 1980s -- but that was OK with me.

I made EVERY concession possible to her -- and she still ran off with the captain of the football team. Even worse, she didn't even give me the courtesy of an explanation. Instead, I had to hear it from him.

It would have been an interesting family to marry into, though; I could only imagine what their holidays are like.

Anonymous said...

i know what you mean about women who cheat. after i caught my girl friend cheating with her coworker i told her she had to lose some weight. no matter how much i told her it was important to me she just wouldnt do it. i even put her on nurtisystem and bought her the new bikini she could wear once she lost her extra tire around the waste...but no dice. i started to look around for some one younger and thinner. their out there if you know where to look. don't live in the past...

Wade Rankin said...

Hmmm, just thinking about how we never did send a note to that IEP coordinator to tell her just how "helpful" she was.

Kim Stagliano said...

Wade, may I suggest the WTF card? Subtle, yet effective.

Jackie T. said...

You NEVER buy a woman clothes and tell her "you have to loose weight to wear this.' We are NOT circus animals you know. Besides its not about she looks naked it's about she FEELS when shes naked. I should know. I'm what they call "full figured' and could stand to loose a few pounds but I'm still very proud of what I have. As my poet freind Donald once wrote...Keep the woman whose a twig/I'll take the zoftig".

LadyBronco said...

And the anonymous poster proves my point quite nicely.

Hope you're having a nice weekend, Kim.

Kim Stagliano said...

Thanks, Lady Bronco! We warmed up after Friday's 8 degree blast. It's hard to keep mittens on my kids so 8 degree weather is awful. Today it was over 40 = aaahhh!

Stacy said...

I love it! I definitely want these!

ORION said...

Laura I have the horse pic!! I just need the card.
I need to have a visual. I was riding my aged gelding who is a bit "creaky" and this guy made a smart crack about me needing a horse with all four legs... I let him have it.
"F-off and die!"
Is what I said.
Yanno he could dish it but he couldn't take it.

Shelly said...

I'm going to buy those cards by the gross. Do you think that they can be used instead of "Thank You" notes?

Kim Stagliano said...

Shelly, if you are MY Shelly? I think whoever you are sending them to will not actually notice that the THANK is ah, something else!
And I have a great gift idea for our brother... :)