Monday, October 09, 2006

Babee Naymes, from the Cleveland news on Yahoo

"A local baby is a finalist in the Babytalk/Good Morning America cover contest for America's cutest baby. Thirteen-month-old Brooklynn Coleman was selected as one of the three finalists from about 125,000 photos submitted from parents across the country.
Her parents, Markeya Walker and Anthony Coleman will receive a $2,000 shopping spree at Babies 'R' Us on Tuesday."

First off, what's up with the name BROOKLYNN? What if she marries a boy name John Bridge? Can you imagine the junior high sexual taunting "Hey, guys, now entering Brooklynn!" If Dad walks out on her and Mom will he leave a note? Or steal a green sign that says "Now leaving Brooklyn" to announce his departure?

And if I'm a pedophile -- I'm RACING to that contest to see the photos of my next disgusting obsession. It's a like a freaking yellow pages for perverts. Hmmm, Brooklynn in Cleveland? Hey, that's just an hour north of here, maybe I'll hop in my 1978 Monza and go see if I can find her for some fun, that is if my Mom lets me out of the basement/if Congress isn't in session." STUPID PARENTS ADVERTISING THEIR KIDS FOR $2,000 in diapers and size 3T T-shirts that say "I'm a brat in training."

Not my best day here. I have a corrupted pst file that is wreaking havoc on my Microsoft Outlook. I had yet another "crapisode" with the kids. And the whole "N. Korea might have nukes but at least when they obliterate us the two gay guys living next door WON'T BE MARRIED." just makes my head want to spin right off my shoulders.



JR's Thumbprints said...

It sounds like you got plenty of good writing material in your very own home. Oh, and don't count out the two guys next store (unless we've reached the saturation point in gay comedy/gay romance stories). Good luck with the writing. Perhaps you should change your name too--how about Toledo Stagliano, or Torpedo Stagliano,or ... you got the idea, just trying to help.

Stacy said...

I've seen worse names from my days working as a medical records clerk.

Why, for example, name your newborn Passion? Or Champagne? What types of baby names/nicknames can you make out of those anyhow?

Or how about the let's-throw-in-a-bunch-random-letters-for-fun approach? This is when you end up with names like De'La'Nastasyi'anna? Um, you do realize your child will someday need to learn how spell this? And that someone will inevitably nickname her Nasty? (And some of these mothers when they call the office, wanting their child's immunization records can't even spell the names themselves. "Um, let's see. D-E-um-L")

There is also a middle-aged woman running around my hometown whose name happens to be Shirt. Completely serious.

Kim Stagliano said...

Welcome, Jr. Torpedo? You've never seen me in a bra -- cap gun is more like it, sad but true.

Congrats on the Tigers' big win. Everyone here is in mourning over the Spankees loss. But I hale from Bah-stun, so I'm not at all crushed.

Do come back! I'm not always so crotchety.


Laura said...

I personally like Female or Male for names. You know, but you pronounce them, "Fa-mah-lay" and "Mah-lay". Common, but so classy with that special pronounciation. Of course, if you have more than one child of each sex, you'll have to add some roman numberals. I've heard from someone that they knew of children named Orangejello and Lemonjello, though again, pronounced a different way -- Or-AHNGE-uhlow and le-MAHNGE-uhlow. Again, common, yet classy.

Laura, or Lura, Lorer, Larra depending on your pronounciation

Kim Stagliano said...

No no, not possible!

Here's one that will blow you away. There's a writer (and I'm sure she's a lovely person, great writer, fabulous human being, there have I covered my tracks enough?) and her name is:

Gennita Low.
Gennital ow.

I shall call you Law-rer since I'm from Massachusetts.