Have fun tonight! Be careful. No drinky and drivey. No nookey with strangers. Don't bump your head on the porcelain god. And may you have a loving partner to hold your ponytail if you do overindulge.

By the way, surefire hangover cure? Activated CHARCOAL it pulls the nasty stuff out of your belly. We use it all the time for food reactions and to counteract yeast die off and other detox ickies in the biomed world. Run out today and grab a bottle at a health food store. For your kids you can open a capsule and mix it into applesauce or chocolate syrup or pudding, however you can hide it. Not that your kids will have a hangover. But maybe too many sweets?

Here's to a healthy, happy, manuscript selling, kids improving, money making 2008 for all!

Yee Haw! Texas Girl Wins Hannah Montana Contest!

(Oops, Mommy lahd and said Daddy dahd in Eye-Rack.)

UNREAL. A North Texas mother is suspected of making up a tragic story in an essay contest to win a Hannah Montana prize package, NBC 5 reported. I'll bet you a ride on a Longhorn that this Mom has a yellow ribbon on the back of her SUV and maybe even Yosemite Sam mudflaps.

"They only said you needed to write an essay. They didn't say it had to be true." Well that loophole is large enough to drive the official car of Texas (Suburban) through. Nice lesson for her child. Lie to win. Guess her former Governor taught her well.

What a slap in the face to our men and women who have died, are dying right now and will die in the years to come to exploit death for free tickets to a tweeny concert. It's easy to pick on Texas, of course. Had this happened in, say, Rhode Island, a state without Texas' huge personality I'd have had less to go on - but I'd still have pointed out the travesty.

PS, if your kid is on this kids' cheerleading team, watch your back.

A love note to Donald Trump about Autism Speaks from moi. On Huffington Post.

http://tinyurl.com/2ozdt7

The Dangers of Holiday Food!

This insane photo is from Dr. Mercola's health site. This is what he thinks David would look like in 2007. Is this what really fat men look like naked???? Sweet Jesus eating a fried Twinkie! Someone get him a leaf. And a BRA! I am a little jealous of his chest. I admit it. Wow. This is like a train wreck. Can't look. Can't turn away. I'm gonna toss out the rest of my birthday cake right now. As soon as I have just one...more...nibble.

I WISH WE COULD DO WHAT THEY DO IN KATROO! (My birthday is the 28th - but I wrote the post last night and blogger just is NOT that advanced. So I'm really one day younger than you thought. I changed the post date to today.)



Recognize that line? From my favorite Dr. Suess book, "Happy Birthday to You!" Today am pretty much dead-on middle aged. Half my life behind, half ahead. Feel free to taunt and/or congratulate me.

In autism years I'm about 432, just older than the Vampire Lestat, if anyone even remembers Anne Rice's magnificent vampire series of many years ago. Ruined by a blond Tom Cruise (Ugh! My eyes!) Now paranormal is normal and I've read over at Nathan Bransford's agent blog that Vampires are (un)dead. But I'm not worried because I don't write in the paranormal genre. I dipped my toe into PN with my book - and then pulled it out of the blood. Not my thing right now. In fact, I suck at it. (Get it? Bad vampire joke?) Ask my agent. (See his head nodding?)




Have you heard Anne Rice is now a Super Catholic? Check out her site HERE but get ready to be bombarded by Ave Maria and to feel utterly lost if you're looking for the amazing author of many years ago. Oh I'm sure she's still an amazing writer. But you'll feel like you have to whisper and badomble into her site on your knees. (You do know how to badomble, don't you? It's a Catholic thing. See this photo with the cross? That's from the LaSalette Shrine in Attleboro, MA. You have to go up those stairs on your knees. It's a penance; "If it hurts it must be good for my soul and since Jesus suffered for my sins I can suffer a little too." I call it badombling up the steps. My folks try to go there every year. I grew up going there. I don't know why Protestants don't kneel in Church the way we Catholics do. Feel free to explain.) Dang, am I off track again? Sorry.




I don't think Anne Rice writes about vampires any longer. Ah the irony, from the undead to the born again! I'm onto Charlaine Harris, whose Sookie Stackhouse series is a pip.




Back t0 my birthday. How old you ask? Well, if I had a theme song it would be, "Oh what a night! Late December back in......" Got it? Old. In autism, vampire and human years alike. But happy. Content. Blessed. No complaints from me.

Hope Santa is good to you!

Love, Kim

Merry Christmas, friends. Happy Holidays to all. See you around the 27th.

Posted later: Are you horribly grumpy? I am. Oh yes. My Christmas spirit is currently in the form of Hellraiser. Maybe Chucky. Question. Are you the kind of person who decorates your car? I just saw a VW Beetle with antlers sticking out of the back windows. WTF? Do you, lady (I assume it's a lady, few self respecting men drive Beetles, let's face it.) have SO much time on your hands that you can decorate your CAR??? Instead of eggnog and joy I'm full of piss and vinegar today. Kids came home. We had to run out to pick up my car - got the tires checked. Do you want to know how long it took Mark and me to get the three kids into shoes and socks and then into his car? They're used to getting in my my minivan. The Altima blew them away. Which door? How does it open? Who gets in first? Second? Third? Which door again? You mean we have to get into this car? Where's "our" car? Who gets in first? I finally collapsed laughing, "Mark would anyone believe us if they saw this? 20 minutes to drive 2 minutes up the road to pick up our car?" We shared a good chuckle. OK, maybe my mood isn't so bad. And the antlers were kind of cute. For a Beetle. But don't touch my black minivan with decorations come holiday time. I'm just not that kind of girl.

Merry Holidays. I think it's Eid, yes? Happy Eid too.

Poster Later Later: Mood worsening. Hey, school Mom who sends home holiday goodie bags full of cheap painted Chinese toys. Turn off All My Children and turn on CNN. Lead much?

K

CONTEST WINNERS

Please email me at kim stagliano at g mail dot com with your home address. I'll try to get the goodies out tomorrow. More likely after Christmas though.

PIPER REED BOOK: Naomi

TREBELLINA: Judy

LITTLE PILGRIMS: Heather: Daily companion, BlessedMomof4: Home, Carrie Elsass: Restaurant, Stephanie: Colors

(Contest is open through Wed.)

Welcome, National Book Award Winner

Kimberly Willis Holt!

Win a copy today! Just leave a comment to enter!

Please join me in welcoming Kimberly Willis Holt, author of Piper Reed Navy Brat. "It's not easy being the middle child, especially when your dad is a Navy Chief. Meet Piper Reed, a spunky nine-year old who has moved more times than she can count on one hand." You can learn more about Kimberly at her website. You can purchase a copy here.

I read Piper Reed last week. It brought me right back to my childhood, snuggled into bed, soft pillow behind my head, eager to jump into another kids' world. When I was nine, I'd have identified with Piper. At 9 times almost 5, I can still identify with her, which I think is the mark of a terrific and timeless children's book. And I adore Christine Davenier's illustrations. I asked Kimberly a few questions that are relevant to the world of special needs, because Piper has dyslexia.

One lucky commenter will win a copy of the book!

Why did you give Piper Reed dyslexia?

I didn't plan to create a character with a reading disability. It just happened. Many times when I write I discover things I didn't know about the character. Sometimes that happens during rewrites. But in this situation I realized she was dyslexic on the first draft. I think it had something to do with her sisters' love for reading.

Also my mom was a special ed teacher and had many students with dyslexia. Over the years she told about their challenges. And though I don't have dyslexia(nor do any of my sisters) I am a slow reader. I'm more of an auditory learner. Sounds are important to me. I read at the speed that I speak. When I was in school, I thought I was stupid because I couldn't finish my tests in time. I think that gives me empathy for a dyslexic person.


Does Piper feel jealous toward her younger sister Sam, who is particularly bright and not challenged by dyslexia?

Although, Piper accepts her dyslexia, I believe she is insecure about what she believes to be Sam's supreme intellegence. Sam is smart, but she is not a prodigy. But Piper thinks her sister is and that's what matters.

What is Piper most afraid of when she moves?

Like most military kids, she's going to have to face being the new kid. She's done it before, but always had the advantage of making friends over the summer before the school year started. Now she's moving in October. She not only has to make new friends, but she is anxious about the possibility of the teacher making her read in front of the class.

Would Piper invite a child with a disability to join her Gypsy club?

Absolutely. Piper is a people person. She is a very accepting soul. Great idea!

Piper has a great catch phrase, "Get off the bus!" How does Piper feel about adding, "Get of the Van-bus!"

I love it! If I introduce a child with disability into the story, that might become a possibility. That's what I love about writing a series. Piper can meet more friends and have more storylines, because more books will follow.

Thanks, Kim!


You're welcome, Kimberly. Thank you!

Win a Trebellina Music Teaching DVD and T!

Just leave a comment. Winner drawn Wednesday.

Visit www.trebellina.com to see the full line of fun teaching products for kids of all abilities (these are not autism specific.) The T-shirt is a Youth small.

(Little Pilgrim contest scroll down!)
My revisions are FINALLY done!

Yup. My book is revised. For now. What's next? Clean up. Keen eye. Fine toothed comb. Nit picking (don't you use a fine toothed comb for that?) NONE of which is my strong suit. Go find, "Nilly Willy" in the dictionary and you'll see my photo.

Speaking of photos. My Mia turned 13 yesterday. 13! Hard to believe. Here we are at her party yesterday. Love the homemade GFCF cake, yes? Poor kid never gets a fancy store bought cake as I've yet to find a local bakery that makes a GFCF cake. She doesn't seem to mind though.

Aunt Bea the New Catalog Is Here!

I'm an online/catalog shopper. Toting 3 kids with autism to stores often leads to profound "What the hell was I thinking daring to leave the house?" So it's catalogs to the rescue and I'm on tons of lists. Today's gem? Casual Living.

Casual Living plans to alleviate the burden of holiday shopping by enticing me with products guaranteed to make my family and friends blanche with delight and utter "Oh, Kim. You shouldn't have."

1) Holiday theme, tropical flamingo floor mats for your car - with a Christmas wreath around the bird's neck. Uh, CL? The six ladies who might possibly buy these live in an assisted living home in Miami . And they sold their Buick Park Avenues two years ago (Sadie's was a Lincoln, her Harold always did very well you know.)

2) Chewgars. Cigar shaped dog toys complete with authentic cigar box so your dog can match that cheesey wall print of the dogs playing poker that you have hanging in your "rumpus" room.

3) A t-shirt that reads: "What happens in the garage stays in the garage. Especially when you leave your car running for an hour while you sit in the front seat reorganizing the 8 track tapes you keep in that Hush Puppies shoebox.

4) One piece chopsticks made like clothes pins so that you can wow your friends at the Chinese Buffet on Route 1 in Saugus, MA. "Look Angie! I'm holding a wahn tahn!" (Pass the Mai Tai please.)

5) A pink or turquoise gen-yoo-ine leather Passport holder for when you finally decide to take that trip to New York.

6) A metal purse holder that attaches to a table, holding your handbag just inches from you, since the floor is simply too far away. How about a few sit ups Betty?

7) Scuffy slippers that have mops on the bottom so that you can dust the floor as you shuffle into the kitchen for your Ovaltine at night.

8) A candle set in the shape of a wine bottle, grapes and cheese. So now when you cut the cheese you can also light it on fire. Sublime.

Merry Christmas. Now get shopping.

Kim

LITTLE PILGRIMS CONTEST WINNERS!


First, I'm running two more contests (!) on Tuesday! One is for an amazing music DVD training program for kids! So come back!


Plus, I'm excited to tell you that also on Tuesday, 12/18, you can join me in welcoming a National Book Award winning author on her blog tour! And yes! I have a book to give away! It's a children's book.


To the winners below, please send me an email with your home address. Send to Kim Stagliano at g mail dot com.


Didn't win? Don't worry! Dave of Little Pilgrims has a great offer for you! 15% off! The promotional period will run from today until December 31. When you add an item to your cart, you will be taken to the cart page. Underneath the items in your cart you'll see a field that reads: Enter Promo Code. Enter promo code "KIMSTAG" there. Note that the discount will not be seen until after the checkout screen. (In other words, clicking “update cart” will not apply the discount. They will see it when they go to checkout.) Orders received by Friday, December 21 should arrive in time for Christmas.


WINNERS:

Heather: Daily companion
BlessedMomof4: Home
Carrie Elsass: Restaurant
Stephanie: Colors

CONTEST! CONTEST! CONTEST!

WIN LITTLE PILGRIMS AUTISM DVDs and BOOKS!

PLEASE PASS THIS POST ONTO ALL YOUR AUTISM BLOG FRIENDS! We'll have 4 winners.

Click Little Pilgrims (above) to see their site.

I've just met a wonderful "Autism Dad" who created this line of useful books and DVD's especially for kids on the spectrum. Featuring the "Object Isolation" method of teaching, tips and advice from teachers and therapists and a format that holds the child's attention. You can see there are pockets to add your own photos to personalize the books. And the books come apart to use as flashcards.

How do I win a set, Kim? EASY. Leave a comment. I'll put all the names into a hat and draw the winners on Sunday. I'll announce the winners and ship next week, in time for Christmas!

This book allows you to label your child's day.

Help your child learn items throughout the house. With room to personalize for your own house.

Make dining out easier and more fun with labeling AND modeling books!

Teach colors with preset pages and room to add items that are meaningful for your child.

GOOD LUCK!

THE OPRAH FACTOR. IS IT A FACTOR?

What do you think of Oprah stumping for Obama? Is a meeting of the "O's going to make you run to the pOlls?" What IS it about her ability to morph her accent to the crowd at will that drives me so batty? Oprah interviews Tom Hanks and she's all midwestern, neutral Chicago accent. For Obama she sounds like Reverand Al. I find it disingenuous. But I'm not a big Oprah fan. I don't dislike her. I love that she gave Jenny McCarthy an hour on her show. I appreciate her climb to success. She seems to be a wonderful, philanthropic woman.

If you're an Oprah gal or guy (are there any?) can she sway your vote from N"O" to Yes?

Let's Go Shopping!



I am here to make your life easy. I hate malls. I hate shopping, always have. Ask my Mom about the torment of taking me shopping as a kid, a teenager, for my wedding gown. Ask my husband about our apparent X/Y chromosome swap for the shopping gene. HATE IT!

That said, there are several wonderful online ways to say "goodbye" to your money this holiday season, especially if you know, love, gave birth to, enspermulated, swab, bathe, teach, tutor, therapize or tuck in a child with autism.

So - do me a flavor, won't you? Mosey on over to HERE and take a good look at the ads on the right. Click 'em all! Click 'em twice! Click 'em three times and watch your breasts grow or your penis get longer! OK, maybe not.

Hey! You don't have to a biomed Mom to enjoy these goodies either. There are DVD's to get you looking like an "AMILF", an awesome music teaching program for your little one with or without ASD, books and DVD's and more for kids on the spectrum and even away to DONATE money to a great autism cause (that's spelled S-T-A-G-L-I-A-N-O on the check.)

So go! Click off already! Come back though and tell me what you've ordered!

Goodwill. Bad Toys.

Goodwill is no longer accepting toys. Here's the story. Why? Because so many are tainted with lead. Goodwill is looking out for children. And keeping the lawyers at bay, I assume. Maybe it's time to make our fortune opening a poison toy recycling center? I'm on it, "Welcome to the Island of Mismade Toys." Walmart made a bundle. Mattel? Never happier. Our slightly dim, lead poisoned kids? Not so much.

And Ruprecht the Monkey Boy over yonder (look to the right.) That's Steve Martin from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Ruprecht was supposed to be an adult with an off kilter child's mind, posing as such to bilk wealthy women out of their fortunes. I can't say, "Oklahoma!" without thinking of Ruprecht. And Mark and I often utter the words, "May I take your trident sir?" from that very silly scene. I love Steve Martin. Have you read his new book? It's on my "must buy" list (hint hint, family!)

What makes a 19 year old so angry he goes into a mall and murders 9 people? (Oops, just read that's 8 people plus himself.) I wonder if he was on any of the "miracle" drugs that have a black box warning? (Answer, yes.) Again I ask, what is wrong with American children? Or, "What have we done to our kids?"

John Robison goes into detail in Look Me In The Eye about the elaborate pranks he played as a child, well into his teenage years, as an outlet for his anger and isolation. He recently blogged how it was better than today's kids who take out their rage via a gun. John had access to guns, I believe. So why did he choose his method of letting off steam whereas so young men today choose deadly weapons?

My heart goes out to the families in Omaha who are getting the worst phone call imaginable tonight.

STORY HERE

Added, this young man was troubled and had a long history, including living in a group home. Conclusions? Who knows? Asperger's? Who knows? Would that make matters better or worse? Excuse his behavior? Make life more difficult for Aspergians? God, I have so many questions.

Read about him From KETV Omaha. How lost do you have to feel, or how angry, to go into a mall and shoot people? I fear we'll see more of this, not less in the future.

Lucky moi! I get to have a slightly smaller version of one of these things rammed into my mouth today. It's implant day. Broke a tooth last Spring on an Italian hard candy called, "Va Fungoool!" and so, off I go.

Aaah! It's Monday! We have an ice delay today. Who cares! It's nice not to have to rush about but still know the children will be vacating the house soon. I'm working on the last few pages of my revisions and I'm eager to tackle them today.

Yesterday's event: After I got over my initial shock of having rather misunderstood my role there, I had a wonderful time meeting people at Elms College. I was invited to sit on a panel about autism/Aspergers as a parent at this small, Catholic college called Elms which has a new graduate program in Autism. Lovely. I didn't get any instructions or suggestions on what to prepare or expectations. Kind of like motherhood.

When the presentation began, the moderator told the audience each panelist (who me?) would be getting up and speaking about autism and hope and acceptance. (WHIR!!!!!!! went my brain!) The others shuffled their prepared notes. Me? Does thumb twiddling count as preparation? Yes, if you're at a Tiddlywinks competition. No, if you're about to address 150 fresh faced folks expecting pearls of wisdom.


I composed an opening while Dr. Kathy Dyer was speaking about her 30 years' experience working with kids with autism. "I hate to tell the good doctor that with my Mia, 13, Gianna, 11 and Bella, 7, I have THIRTY ONE years' experience with autism." It got a laugh and that's sort of what I do. Use humor to put people at ease. I continued on fairly well, I think. At least I knew to wrap it up quick.

On another note, congrats to my friend and author Patricia Wood for LOTTERY's great appearance in the Washington Post yesterday!

What is the opposite of the Midas Touch you ask? (Pretend you asked. I'm in a piss poor mood and I'll bite your head off if you don't play along. Ask my headless husband.)

Give up? The opposite of the Midas Touch is the Merdes Touch. That's when everything you touch turns to shit. Clever, aren't I? Not so much.

So tomorrow I'll go to the event where I'm on the panel and be my usual cheery self. The "Oh, how do you do it all?" woman everyone sees. Tonight? I shall grumble and complain.

I did make a great dinner though. I'll blog the recipe later. Yummy GFCF chicken breast cutlets with spinach and mushrooms. And, well, our tree is up and that's always cheery. And the girls are freshly showered and Mark dried their hair. And Bella was very cute today. And Mark looks quite handsome. And my Mom called to say "Hi" which is always nice. Because you always need your Mom. And my bathrooms sparkle because Bella and I have been sitting in them for hours at time waiting for Mr. Tinkle to come on out and play and so I've cleaned every square of tile on the floors and walls and every nook and cranny of the toilet. And I have a kick ass pair of Sevens to wear tomorrow so I don't look so much like a dorky old Mom at the college event. And well, I really do have a lot to be grateful for when I think about it.

Nah, I'd rather piss and moan. Until I jump in bed with THIS as soon as the kids go to bed. Tomorrow I will be my cheery self. Promise.

Kim Likes Westerns? NO!

But "BILLY THE KID" Looks Aspergian Cool.

Added, 12/2. So I had lunch with John R. today before our event at Elms. The event was terrific and I'll blog it later. John got an advance copy of the movie! And he says it is very powerful. The way he described it, in spite of his calm Aspergian manner, tells me it's a tearjerker for us Moms.

One of the best things about living so close to New York is getting to know the events that are happening in the city - even if I can't get to them, which is most of the time. But I can tell YOU about them! And chances are you are far more unfettered than I. So maybe you can go!


There's a new documentary movie called BILLY THE KID that's won a boatload of awards about (drumroll please) a kid with Aspergers Syndrome. How appropriate I found it right when I'm speaking with the newly famous Aspergian John Robison!

If you can go to the event on December 5th in NYC please report back on the movie! I'm eager to know how it presents Aspergers and whether it's a one, two or three hankie flick.

OH DEAR GOD.

Kim Stagliano and John Robison at Elm's College this Sunday.

My friend John Robison invited me to join him as a panelist at Elm's College in Chicopee, MA this Sunday. 12/2 at 2:00pm.

Come join us! Details HERE.

"Whatcha been doin', Kim?"

"Oh, just sitting around."

"Really? That's not like you, is it?"

"Not at all. I usually move at warp speed."

"So, um, why all the sitting?"

"Because my little sweetheart is learning to use the toilet."

"How's she doing?"

"GREAT! Success after several years of trying."

"Years? Wow. So what's your secret??"

"You must mean my, "SECRET WEAPON."


I took a toilet training seminar by the dynamic, engaging, delightful Brenda Batts at the National Autism Assoc. Conference earlier this month. Brenda Batts knows what she's doing. She's a fantastic presenter. Her system WORKS. I have the clean undies to prove it.

I'm so happy for my daughter, who is feeling both dry and proud this morning. Thank you, Brenda Batts!

I must have THIS T-shirt!

Bernie Rimland Froze out the Refrigerator Mother Theory over 40 years ago.

Dr. Rimland founded the Autism Society of America and went on to create the most influential organization for the treatment of autism, The Autism Research Institute. Dr. Rimland passed away on November 21, 2006. This video was created as a tribute to him.

You can hear him dispel the theory that autism was a result of cold mothers within the first five minutes of this 27 minute video. No matter what your thinking on treatment or cause, we all owe this man, Bernie Rimland, a thank you for telling the world that we mothers we weren't the cause. You and I know that now. But 50 years ago, when autism was a RARE blip, seen once in a blue moon? We would have been to blame.

Thanks to Stan Kurtz of http://www.childrenscornerschool.com/ for creating the file for me. I'm trying to link it to http://www.ageofautism.com/ but the blog platform will not accept it.

Mmm, pumpkin, apple, blueberry, chocolate silk, strawberry rhubarb, sweet potato, cherry, squash. Dig in. Have seconds.
KEEP EATING.....

Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for my faithful, handsome rock of a husband, my kids, a good job, food in my cupboards (even the GFCF stuff) gas in my minivan, new coats and boots for my kids, fine schools, dedicated teachers, loyal friends, loving family, parents I can always rely on, hope for treatments for my girls, a fabulous literary agent who believes in my writing, a roof over my head, the ability to buy some gifts for my kids for Christmas, good health, the autism family of strong, dedicated parents from all walks of life, with all perspectives on autism, being able to laugh, being able to cry. For all this and more, I am grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends.

KIM

THINK ABOUT THIS YOUNG WOMAN AS YOU SEND YOUR DOLLARS TO THE SAUDIS.

DAMN!

Money - WASTED! Not this Mom.

THIS STUDY is a crock of shit. How's that for a Monday morning? Scientists are going crazy trying to find out any cockamamie idea for the cause of the explosion in autism. Now they are saying we mothers DRANK during our pregnancies.

I had one scotch by accident when I was first pregnant with Gianna. Let me rephrase that. I didn't know I was pregnant and I drank a cocktail. I felt terrible about it for 8 months. When I became pregnant with Bella, Mark and I joked that I should head into the city to score some Crack Cocaine. After all, two clean as a whistle pregnancies hadn't done much for my older girls.

My generation of Moms is the first to have been liquor Nazi's. How DARE anyone think that these studies will divert us from looking at real potential poisonous causes of autism?

Mother's moderate drinking, watching Elmo and Barney (named in a study as a cause) old fathers, what's next? Breathing the mercury laden air?

Where's the Chivas? I need a shot in my coffee.

I'm Tired of Autism. Here's a Gluten Filled Post.

Enough with the autism already! (Yes, I can read your mind.)

Last night I decided to whip up a nice dinner for Marky Mark. He asked for a spinach pasta with clam sauce. I, the ever dutiful, Italian wife (and no where near PMS time) agreed with a smile. Plus, it's the easiest meal ever to create, even if your Italian food repertoire consists of opening a can of Chef Boyardee and calling Pizza Hut.


It's Sunday today. LET'S COOK!

You do have Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin playing in the background don't you? No? All right. John Bonjovi will do.

Mark likes clam sauce. So do I. But when I opened the fridge I saw a bit of pizza sauce from the GF pizza I'd made the kids for dinner and a carton of heavy cream from the chocolate ganache I made last Thursday for Mia's teacher appreciation luncheon. Tomato sauce plus cream = heaven. So let's make two sauces so easy you can whip up both on the stove and pretend you're the Olive Garden with "Choose your own sauce night."

Make two sauces for your man and I'm telling you - YOU WILL OWN HIM. See that hunk of cheese? It's REGGIANO PARMAGIANA from Italy. If you're shaking yellow sawdust out of a green can go to jail and do not collect 2 million lira. Spring for the good stuff. See that thingy next to the cheese? It's a microplane. Grates the cheese faster than Britney can run over a papparazi's foot. Get one. Works for chocolate too.

CLAM SAUCE

Cover botom of pan with Olive oil. Not an Exxon Valdez kind of slick, just cover the bottom.

Crush/press two cloves of fresh garlic into the oil. Garlic powder eliminates you from this game. Heat the garlic on medium until you think Sophia Loren has just entered your kitchen.

Open a can of minced clams. We use SNOWS brand. Any brand will do. Put the can of clams into the pan with the juice.

Cut a lemon in half. Squeeze 1/2 a lemon over a strainer into the pan. Taste the lemon to prove you are still 6 years old at heart. Make fuuny scrunchy face at your kids. Promise yourself to make homemade lemonade from other half. Know you are lying.

Get out some salt and pepper. Add a sprinkle of each. Toss some over your shoulder to ward of the devil.

If making sauce for two I just use the can. If making for 4+ I use two cans of clams, and then buy a bottle of clam juice too. Up your lemon and garlic too.

Warm the sauce to a low boil. Lower heat. Add clam juice if you need to stretch out the sauce. Most of us Italians started off really really poor. Thus the cheap pasta and horsemeat of days gone by. Many of us still are. We use pasta and lots of sauce to feed our large families. Taste. Add more lemon juice, salt or pepper as you'd like. That's it. 8 minutes and you're done. Kinda like... Nevermind.

NEXT: Tomato Cream sauce

Pour 3/4 cup cream into pan. Tell yourself you'll diet tomorrow.

Add your favorite tomato sauce until the sauce is as pink as you like. (homemade, jarred, your call. I won't police you on this one.)

Crush in one clove of garlic. You DO own a garlic press, don't you? Ask Santa to put one in your stocking.

Add one tbsp of butter. BUTTER! Not oleo-margarine plastic stuff. Moo cow butter.

Grate in a ton of Reggiano Parmagiana (cuz the only green can in your house now is a can of Heineken, right?)

Add salt to taste.

Do not boil, just heat to under a boil. Musn't scald the cream.

Boil your pasta. Toss with your sauces, grate more cheese on top and enjoy!

Happy Sunday, friends.

Kim

Why am I a Biomed Autism Mom?

Miss G. was a non-verbal toddler until close to 4. She had horrible tantrums. She had red papery cheeks, runny nose, terrible diaper issues. She ran screaming out of her classroom. She woke at night. She had odd movements, like chicken arms and constantly bending over at the waist. Her neuro told me she would be on Ritalin by first grade. Her EX-neuro.... I never believed the dire prognosis for my girls. It never felt right. Not for MY kids. I can't speak for anyone else's.

This is from her teacher today. Please note, Gianna does NOT eat Skittles which are high fructose corn syrup and artificial colors. Bad stuff for our kids. Gianna won an award for achievement this week, for her progress this year. I brought her a GFCF pizza so she could partake with the other kids. I baked it at 9:00am this morning.

"So today at lunch after you left, Gianna walked up to a little girl (who was eating skittles) and said, “What color skittle is your favorite?” And the little girl said, “Green and Red.” Gianna goes, “How about orange and purple?” The little girl said she likes those too and then G said “Cool!” I had tears in my eyes because she initiated that all by herself!!! I just had to share… Have a fabulous weekend!"

And that is why I bust my ass every day for my kids. We are 6 weeks into a new protocol. And it's working. Anyone who tells you to love our kids and leave them to stay as "God" made them is missing the boat. There is much we can do for our severely affected kids.

It's a big boat. We'll make room for you. We'll give you a life vest. We'll take care of you. Come on board. You don't have to call it "cure" or "recovery" if those terms offend you. I don't know if I'm curing or recovering anything. I don't care if I am or I'm not. I only know my child had a real conversation with a peer today.

Can't we all just call it love?

Jenny McCarthy Bares All in CDC Call!


I knew that headline would encourage you to read the article....


So my caterpillar is now a butterfly. I am Managing Editor of a new site called, AGE OF AUTISM. Nationally acclaimed former UPI journalist Dan Olmsted is our editor. Here's our latest scoop:


The beautiful, funny, autism Mom/best selling author/actress named Jenny McCarthy called the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) LIVE during her presentation at the National Autism Association Conference last weekend in Atlanta.


Age of Autism has the five minute phone call on videotape! RIGHT HERE!

You'll need the free Apple QuickTime Software download software to watch the clip.The five minute clip takes a few seconds to download and the audio synch is a bit off, but you'll get the jist of her call.


Jenny is NOT letting the CDC off the hook when it comes to vaccines and the autism epidemic. She has the brains, the beauty and a platform that's even higher than her heels to get her message out.


A couple of weeks ago, an autism Mom sort of rolled her eyes when I mentioned Jenny's book Louder Than Words and asked me, "Do you think she's the real deal?" Yes I do. She spent three days at the conference, meeting parents, signing books and DVD's and made time for the many kids with autism who were there with their parents.


You know, another big name in autism likes to say, "Autism knocked on the wrong door." But Jenny McCarthy has put her MOUTH where her money is. (And what a mouth it is!) My money (what little is left after caring for my three children with autism) is on Jenny McCarthy.
Go, Jenny, go! And thank you, "Sweetie."


(Thank you to the folks at FAIR and Life Is My Movie for creating the file for Age of Autism.)

Say Goodbye to your Healthcare Rights.

Think reproductive healthcare rights are a hot topic? Check out THIS bad boy. Courts ordering parents to come in if their children are not fully vaccinated.


No matter what your opinion on the safety of the national vaccine schedule, you might ask yourself if the legal system can force you to partake of ANY medical procedure or treatment for your children.

What if the AIDS vaccine that is currently being tested (Oh wait, they pulled it from human testing in Africa because it made recipients more likely to contract HIV) ends up on the pediatric schedule? Will you give your tot a vaccine for HIV? How about Gardasil with its thousands of adverse reactions including deaths in teens and young adults? If your state adds it to the list of required vaccines for schools are you in?

You might want every vaccine to ever come down the pike for your child. That's your right and very personal decision. If a parent does not want every vaccine, he/she should have that right too. Mind you, I'm talking about basic healthcare and current vaccinations. Not an anthrax or smallpox outbreak. That's another kettle of fish I hope we never need to stir.

Things you do not want to see when landing at an airport.








Had a bit of a delay getting back from Atlanta on Sunday. In fact, I got home on Monday. Here is a photo from my seat on the plane. But you can not see what was following us on the runway. Looked kinda like this:

We were en route to NY from Atlanta when the Captain announced an emergency landing at Dulles in DC. The computer said the hydraulic system had a problem. I do not know what hydraulic systems do. I think they make things go up and down. Like carousel horses and airplane wheels and wing aelerony thingamajiggies. That stuff that makes an airplane go "ZOOM!" and remain high up in the sky. Hydraulics are important. We landed in dead silence without incident. Amen to that. Six hours later, the plane had been repaired! But the crew was no longer able to fly according to FAA regulations. So they can fly with cocktails in them as long as they are under the hourly limit but can't fly stone sober 11 minutes after the alotted work time. Go figure. We ended up in a cheesey Holiday Inn in Sterling, VA.

I met a lovely young woman I'll call, K. She was traveling alone and none too pleased about being solo at a hotel hundreds of miles from home. We hung out together, shared a cab and I got us hotel rooms with an adjoining door in case she needed to come in. I also had a long chat with her mom via phone, telling her to come to this blog and check me out. I'm really a Mom with girls and not an axe murderer. While we were walking to the cab stand a man approached us, "You need a ride? I can save you some money." I declined. K looked surprised. I explained, "You NEVER take a ride to save money as you'll spend far more than anything you save on the dry cleaning bills to get your own blood out of your clothes." Always go to the official cab stand where the people in uniforms put you into a legit cab. I felt very old and motherly!

Briefly on the conference, it was fantastic. If you have a child with autism this is the conference to attend. You'll learn a ton about treatment from the top docs in the nation. And you get to meet gorgeous women like Jenny McCarthy. She is filming a documentary of her book, "Louder than Words." She spent 3 days at the conference. Spoke with everyone, met with the kids, and is genuinely a funny, warm, gracious woman. Standing next to her I felt like I had eaten 24 fried Twinkies myself! I now know what a size 0 looks like. More later. Good to be back!

Your Kid will be having Sex in Chinese....

READ THIS TOY RECALL and then stop and think before you buy one toy for the holidays from any American Company who manufactures in China. If everyone buys even 50% fewer toys from Mattel, Hasbro and every other toy company you will hurt their bottom line. That's the only way they will take your child's health and safety seriously.

They ought to be whipped with a limp noodle. And if they eat this toy? They just might like it....

DISGUSTING.

OK, now I'm really off to Atlanta.

Off to the National Autism Association Conference! See you next week!

This piece is turning into a forum for parents to tell the "outside" world how well or poorly their pediatrician, neurologist, dev. ped and other docs treated/diagnosed their kids on the spectrum. The comments at HuffPo are blowing me away.

If YOU are the parent of a child(ren) with autism PLEASE do go over to HuffPo, sign up so you can comment and tell the world your story about how the docs who are now supposed to diagnose kids after years of missing them treated you and yours.

You can use an screen name and NO ONE knows who you are. There is NO cheating on HuffPo. I get no info on who is commenting at all. Just what you use as your screen name, so don't worry about being "outed."

And I'm asking you to forward this request to every autism blog you visit. No matter what "flavor." ALL of our kids deserve better treatment by the docs. And by treatment I mean RESPECT, not literal medical treatment. That's another fine kettle of fish.

THANK YOU! KIM


My latest on Huffington Post, "The Boys on the Bus."

http://tinyurl.com/2uv622

Someone's been eating her fried twinkies!

Just scored a pair of Levi's on ebay! Mine, all mine! Mwahahahahaha!!!!!!!

(Confused? Think I'm a beyotch? See my post a little lower about how I need women to get F-A-T so they will sell this style of Levi's on ebay in my size. These jeans are no longer in production. So I have to resort to Subcutaneous Darwinism to find them. They're as elusive as the crumple nosed snorkack.)

People with Autism Deserve to Earn a Living

Praise the lord and pass the Danish. Really, the DANISH. Get it? (See that flag? Denmark.) Many people with autism never graduate from high school, despite their high intelligence. You can image what that means for their job prospects.

A Danish IT company has found a creative way to hire people with autism and Asperger's who do not have diplomas by implementing a "Certification Program."

Something like 75% of their employees are on the spectrum. Which would make their Christmas party a rather quiet affair but still, it sounds pretty damn good to me.

We need this kind of program in American companies. If our companies can hire "Sanjay I can barely understand you from Bombay" they can hire people on the Spectrum. Can and SHOULD.

Read the full article HERE.

I'm still here!

Can you see the tiny hand sticking up out of the paper? C'est moi! (That's me.)We're getting the edges of what was hurricane Noel today.

The new autism blogsite I'm designing is coming along nicely. Guess what! When it's complete, if you like what you see, you can ADVERTISE on it! Swear to God. Just like Perez Hilton except without the crotch shots and a drunken Britney Spears every other day and the owner with pink hair. We do both share a penchant for men though. (I guess that would be a singular "man" for me being married an all.) I'll post the news next week when we're up. If you want to advertise to the autism world, we're your ticket to riches beyond your wild dreams! (All claims are slightly smaller than they appear.)

How was your Halloween? OK here. We're on a busy street. Doorbell rang twice. One was a carful of kids from Bridgeport. Can you imagine driving with your Mom for candy? Half the fun was walking the neighborhood in the dark and pulling pranks. Not around here. Too busy. I brought a note over to the 55+ condos next door on the 29th asking if Gianna could Trick or Treat at 7pm. I even gave them the candy. So she got to knock on a few doors.

How do you explain to a child with autism that on ONE night of the year you knock on a door but you do NOT enter the house? Get back to me on that one, won't you?

Off for a pizza splurge at Frank Pepe's. Enzymes packed? Yes. GFCF dinner packed for Bella? Check. Pizza cutter packed so I can cut the pizza into tiny pieces for Mia? Check. Ordering a Moretti Italian beer? Check. Check. Check.

Sarge Goodchild treating children is VERY, VERY RIGHT.

In contrast to yesterday's gloom, read this from the Beverly Citizen about an amazing (and handsome) man name Sargent Goodchild. Isn't that the best New England Yankee kind of name? (Says the girl with a million vowels in her names.)


Sarge Goodchild, at Active Healing changed my girls' lives. When the doctors wrote the kids off, told me to take them home and call the schools for help and just love them, Sarge said, "There's much you can do, Kim."


Sarge gave me the ultimate gift. HOPE. Real hope. Not empty promises, but an assurance that my kids had potential and were worth treating. Treating well.

Why are our children so violent? Something is very, very wrong.

A 13 year old boy in a suburb of Cleveland got angry at his mother. His 16 year old brother intervened. The 13 year old stabbed his brother, plunging a letter opener 3" into his skull.

Our children are sick in alarming numbers. This is not normal behavior. In fact, I don't think it's "behavior" at all. It is a sign of a sick body, not a sick mind. This isn't "garden variety crazy." It's explosive, uncontrolled anger (one of the symptoms of metal poisoning by the way.)

Is it the lead that we are learning is everywhere, in every kids toy? Is it the chemicals kids eat masquerading as food? Is it the toxins like formaldehyde, aluminum and antifreeze found in vaccines? Is it the air, laden with mercury from the coal burning plants in China whose pollution drifts across the globe? Is it the water, full of drugs and antibiotics and chemicals? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO OUR KIDS???

HERE's the article. Read it and weep. For the children.

My head is about to explode. Rewrites. Turning my Caterpillar into a butterfly (more on that next week.) PPTs. IEPs. Halloween. Made costumes. Planned GFCF treats. NAA Conference. Traveling. Need more hours. More awake hours. How's your week?

VERY INTERESTING

Battle of the Beer Babes


Have you seen the ever so slightly disturbing Heineken ads with the Ke'girl who gives birth (a la Alien) to a keg of beer? Ah the perfect woman! After she gives you a hand job her hand turns into a bottle opener! (Mind your timing, Ke'girl, don't want to snap off your man's tap, now do you?)


Makes a beer swilling boy pine for this gal, doesn't it. She'll serve you cold one, not rip you a new one.



In the real battle of the beer babes though, my money is on one girl and one girl alone. Elvira.

Ladies, Eat Those Fried Twinkies! GET FAT!

Why? Simple. My favorite Levi's are no longer sold. I mean my all time favorite fit me like a glove oh my God these were made with my ass in mind Levi's. Now, I love me a good pair of $185 Seven for All Mankind or Joe's Jeans, don't get me wrong. But the all American Levi's dungaree is my all purpose go to item in my closet.

So why am I encouraging you to eat fried Twinkies and get fat? Because when you get on that scale and see the pounds creep up you'll run to your closet and try on your all time favorite fit you like a glove oh my God these were made with your ass in mind Levi's. And you will not be able to zip them. You might not even be able to get your entire leg into them. And once they become your Holy shit these god damned jeans are so freaking tight I look like I'm wrapped in sausage casing and I can't breathe Levi's you will put them onto ebay. And I will buy them. And wash them with hot water and bleach when they arrive in case you have a case of the ickies. Just to be safe.

So eat up ladies. Mangia. And look for STAGMOM on ebay. I'll be bidding.