Sunday, November 18, 2007

I'm Tired of Autism. Here's a Gluten Filled Post.

Enough with the autism already! (Yes, I can read your mind.)

Last night I decided to whip up a nice dinner for Marky Mark. He asked for a spinach pasta with clam sauce. I, the ever dutiful, Italian wife (and no where near PMS time) agreed with a smile. Plus, it's the easiest meal ever to create, even if your Italian food repertoire consists of opening a can of Chef Boyardee and calling Pizza Hut.

It's Sunday today. LET'S COOK!

You do have Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin playing in the background don't you? No? All right. John Bonjovi will do.

Mark likes clam sauce. So do I. But when I opened the fridge I saw a bit of pizza sauce from the GF pizza I'd made the kids for dinner and a carton of heavy cream from the chocolate ganache I made last Thursday for Mia's teacher appreciation luncheon. Tomato sauce plus cream = heaven. So let's make two sauces so easy you can whip up both on the stove and pretend you're the Olive Garden with "Choose your own sauce night."

Make two sauces for your man and I'm telling you - YOU WILL OWN HIM. See that hunk of cheese? It's REGGIANO PARMAGIANA from Italy. If you're shaking yellow sawdust out of a green can go to jail and do not collect 2 million lira. Spring for the good stuff. See that thingy next to the cheese? It's a microplane. Grates the cheese faster than Britney can run over a papparazi's foot. Get one. Works for chocolate too.


Cover botom of pan with Olive oil. Not an Exxon Valdez kind of slick, just cover the bottom.

Crush/press two cloves of fresh garlic into the oil. Garlic powder eliminates you from this game. Heat the garlic on medium until you think Sophia Loren has just entered your kitchen.

Open a can of minced clams. We use SNOWS brand. Any brand will do. Put the can of clams into the pan with the juice.

Cut a lemon in half. Squeeze 1/2 a lemon over a strainer into the pan. Taste the lemon to prove you are still 6 years old at heart. Make fuuny scrunchy face at your kids. Promise yourself to make homemade lemonade from other half. Know you are lying.

Get out some salt and pepper. Add a sprinkle of each. Toss some over your shoulder to ward of the devil.

If making sauce for two I just use the can. If making for 4+ I use two cans of clams, and then buy a bottle of clam juice too. Up your lemon and garlic too.

Warm the sauce to a low boil. Lower heat. Add clam juice if you need to stretch out the sauce. Most of us Italians started off really really poor. Thus the cheap pasta and horsemeat of days gone by. Many of us still are. We use pasta and lots of sauce to feed our large families. Taste. Add more lemon juice, salt or pepper as you'd like. That's it. 8 minutes and you're done. Kinda like... Nevermind.

NEXT: Tomato Cream sauce

Pour 3/4 cup cream into pan. Tell yourself you'll diet tomorrow.

Add your favorite tomato sauce until the sauce is as pink as you like. (homemade, jarred, your call. I won't police you on this one.)

Crush in one clove of garlic. You DO own a garlic press, don't you? Ask Santa to put one in your stocking.

Add one tbsp of butter. BUTTER! Not oleo-margarine plastic stuff. Moo cow butter.

Grate in a ton of Reggiano Parmagiana (cuz the only green can in your house now is a can of Heineken, right?)

Add salt to taste.

Do not boil, just heat to under a boil. Musn't scald the cream.

Boil your pasta. Toss with your sauces, grate more cheese on top and enjoy!

Happy Sunday, friends.


Holly Kennedy said...

Okay, I'm bummed.
Just READING this post made me feel like a loser. I MUST hire you to come cook for me, Miss Kim!!

Kim Stagliano said...

Oh yeah, the well known author of multiple books, one of which is slated to become a movie feels bummed because a dingbat in CT happens to have a bunch of vowels in her name and can cook. "Waiter? I'll have what she's having!" LOL. Holly, this is the easiest stuff EVER to cook. Your boys can do it. Let 'em try.


kristen said...

Kim, that's exactly how I make my clam sauce, but I add some fresh chopped parsley at the very end. Yum. One of my all-time favorites and ingredients are always on hand...

Drama Mama said...

I am on a 500 calorie a day liquid fast.

This was exquisite torture.

Kim Stagliano said...

Oh Drama, so sorry! My next post will be abour sewer water. Better?

amanda said...

Well hi there Delia!!

The Muse said...

Move over Rachel Ray!

Italians must just have cooking in their genes. I love to experiment in the kitchen. Nothing ever tastes the same twice though. I don't go by strict recipes and I just visually measure things. A pinch of this and a dash of that, looks good. I like to be creative and combine recipes. Sometimes I get lucky and it actually tastes great!

Mom26children said...

I made a wonderful Italian Wedding Soup tonight....I am a true Italian at heart. Plus, the kids love to roll the little meatballs.
Last night, we spent my birthday at a restaurant named Siena...
I am toasting you with my Pinot Grigio at this moment..

Kim loves soup said...

Oooh, wedding soup! With escarole? Ma'don how delish! Enjoy and have an extra glass or two for me, J!


Sarge said...

Yum! Looks like tomorrow night I will be making Allison putanesca.

Niksmom said...

Sounds, except for the whole clam part. Well, that sounds delish too but I'm allergic. So I guess I should say it sounds...wait for it..."to die for!" (Oh I crack myself up sometimes.)

THe tomato cream sauce? Definitely on my next NON GF/CF splurge!

ORION said...

And me?
I'm watching IRON CHEF and dreaming that I can be a judge...

Stephen Parrish said...

You should write a cookbook; the voice would be unique and hysterical.

Call it The Huffington Post Cookbook: Mediterranean Food for Leftist Agitators.

amanda said...

Did you know the best ever selling cook book in Italy " the silver spoon" has been translated in to English? Published by Phaidon

Kim said...

Stephen! You MUST stir your foods to the left or they will go rancid. Actually nothing would get mixed as I'm mostly middle of the road. Sort of.

AManda, I don't need no steeeenking cookbook! Except when I bake. Baking is chemistry. Got to get the ingredients right.

Off to my revisions. See you all later.

amanda said...

It's bedtime reading not kitchen reading, my fellow foody friend!

Demon Hunter said...

Thanks for sharing the recipe, Kim. Looks great! ;*)

John Elder Robison said...

Maybe your future likes in cookbooks, not novels.

I can see it now, you will be the Rachel Ray of special needs moms. And when Clarkson Potter signs you up, we'll all have the same publisher.

You, me, Rachel, and Martha Stewart.

How's that for domestication?

Three cooks and me. One eater.

Have you invited everyone you know to the Elms week after next? You should. It's a nice place.

Kim Stagliano said...

I'm spreading the word! Looking forward to the event. Gee! I'm even listed on the poster! Makes me feel kinda like a warm up band for KISS where you're Gene Simmons.

And, ah, if you can secure me a book deal for that cookbook I will cook for you and Martha anytime, anyday, any meal! :)