I'm finally getting my IMPLANT!!!
WHAT? Getting implants? Noooo. Read that header again. Sing-You-Lahr. Implant. Now don't get all nervous. I don't have the C word (the disease version, not the naughty word and not the autism version.) I think you have to have something resembling actual breasts to get that kind of C. I have many fine physical attributes. And two notable shortcomings. Enough said.
So what's up with the implant. Am I a tranny - suffering from impotence and needed a penile implant? (Quick check down jeans.) Nope. Nothing wangling around down there and I am quite certain I've given birth once, twice, thrice. I was the "Birthinator" and didn't use any drugs. Trust me, I recall the process.
Implant.... I'll tell you my sad tale. I bought a bag of Italian hard candies at Valentine's Day. Yummy Perugina fruit candies with chewy centers. I was going to send them to my Mom along with her Valentine's Day card. Then I thought they might mess with her molars - so I tossed the bag of candy into the center console of my Catholic Sports car. (Grand Caravan. But it's black with pinstripes so it's not completely pathetic.) I was waiting to pick up Miss Peanut at school two weeks ago and Jonesing for some sugar. "Ooooh! I have candy in the car!" Grabbed the bag. Ripped it open. Chose a candy and chomped on down.
Ceeerrrrrruuuunnncccchhhhhhsssstttiiiicccccck. The candy molested MY molar! I guess Perugina means "rich dentist" in Italian. At first I tried to ignore the tooth. Not happening. So I went to the dentist to discover I had cracked my #14 tooth (upper left first molar) right in half.
Dr. Axelrod tells me I have choices. 1) Pull the tooth and leave a hole. My driver's license says CONNECTICUT not "BACK WOODS OF KENTUCKY" so having a gap in my mouth is not acceptable. I am a vain, if flat chested woman. 2) Make a removable molar like a retainer. I am no longer 14. Kimmy don't do retainers anymore. 3) Get a bridge using the two happy, healthy unfettered neighboring teeth as stanchions (is that a word) for a fakey. Then face damage to those teeth when I'm old and dotty. And 4) GET AN IMPLANT.
So, I'm off to the oral surgeon next week. It takes almost a year for an implant. It's too gross to discuss on this blog.
On a happier note - my MS is off for a final look see and then goes to Super Agent X by Tuesday.
Happy weekend all!