Friday, March 02, 2007

I'm finally getting my IMPLANT!!!

WHAT? Getting implants? Noooo. Read that header again. Sing-You-Lahr. Implant. Now don't get all nervous. I don't have the C word (the disease version, not the naughty word and not the autism version.) I think you have to have something resembling actual breasts to get that kind of C. I have many fine physical attributes. And two notable shortcomings. Enough said.

So what's up with the implant. Am I a tranny - suffering from impotence and needed a penile implant? (Quick check down jeans.) Nope. Nothing wangling around down there and I am quite certain I've given birth once, twice, thrice. I was the "Birthinator" and didn't use any drugs. Trust me, I recall the process.

Implant.... I'll tell you my sad tale. I bought a bag of Italian hard candies at Valentine's Day. Yummy Perugina fruit candies with chewy centers. I was going to send them to my Mom along with her Valentine's Day card. Then I thought they might mess with her molars - so I tossed the bag of candy into the center console of my Catholic Sports car. (Grand Caravan. But it's black with pinstripes so it's not completely pathetic.) I was waiting to pick up Miss Peanut at school two weeks ago and Jonesing for some sugar. "Ooooh! I have candy in the car!" Grabbed the bag. Ripped it open. Chose a candy and chomped on down.

Ceeerrrrrruuuunnncccchhhhhhsssstttiiiicccccck. The candy molested MY molar! I guess Perugina means "rich dentist" in Italian. At first I tried to ignore the tooth. Not happening. So I went to the dentist to discover I had cracked my #14 tooth (upper left first molar) right in half.

Dr. Axelrod tells me I have choices. 1) Pull the tooth and leave a hole. My driver's license says CONNECTICUT not "BACK WOODS OF KENTUCKY" so having a gap in my mouth is not acceptable. I am a vain, if flat chested woman. 2) Make a removable molar like a retainer. I am no longer 14. Kimmy don't do retainers anymore. 3) Get a bridge using the two happy, healthy unfettered neighboring teeth as stanchions (is that a word) for a fakey. Then face damage to those teeth when I'm old and dotty. And 4) GET AN IMPLANT.

So, I'm off to the oral surgeon next week. It takes almost a year for an implant. It's too gross to discuss on this blog.

On a happier note - my MS is off for a final look see and then goes to Super Agent X by Tuesday.

Happy weekend all!

6 comments:

The Wandering Author said...

Ouch! Best of luck with the implant. Although I've always found a surefire cure for teeth that bother me - just think about going to the dentist. :-) They go hide in a remote corner of Antarctica and never bother me again.

The Wandering Author said...

Oh, by the way, I noticed your comments about your Blogger profile. I switched my blog over and kept the same user name. Everything worked fine. I think the problem is not that the usernames you used are similar, but that they have any difference at all.

(Disclaimer: this is Blogger we're talking about. Don't do anything rash.) You might want to try logging in under your old account, and seeing if you can switch that to BetaBlogger or whatever they're calling it now. If you can, then you'll need to transfer your blog back to that profile, unless you find it still there, hanging in cyberspace. In that case, you'd just need to transfer the newer posts.

I hope that helps, but remember the disclaimer; we're dealing with Blogger here. Don't wipe anything out, delete anything, or otherwise make irrevocable choices. Make copies of anything you can't bear to lose. Etc.

Laura said...

Kim, I too, was a Birthinator, and still think about having a third child just to beat my speedy delivery times with 1 and 2. But then I realize giving birth isn't a sporting event, and I don't think I can handle three kids. You're a Goddess Birthinator in that regard!

LOL re: the Catholic Sports Car and Perugina meaning "rich dentist."

Hope the Implant goes well. My mom had one done (is still doing it? I don't know. It does take forever, doesn't it?) I'm not ready for that kind of implant yet, though the other kind sound kinda nice. Would bigger, fake boobs make my stomach look smaller? I just spent lots of money a few years ago getting rid of my 8 mercury, oops, I mean AMALGAM fillings, so I'd prefer to not have any more dental work for a while. Must remember to suck, not bite. On the hard candies, that is.

AhvaRahn said...

Take whatever drugs they have and plenty of them. I’ve tried to outwit dentists for years and, up to now, been an unmitigated failure; the Boston Big Dig would have nothing on the construction they recommended after I lost filling. I always found it odd that friends don’t tell me to get a second opinion when it comes to dentists. Good luck.

Michelle O'Neil said...

Congrats on the implant. Good for you. It sounds like the very best option and you DESERVE the best.

Shalanna Collins said...

Oy! Scheisse! Merde! When I was six, I broke a baby tooth on some Red Hots. That one was ready to fall out anyhow, though, and there was a new one underneath it. Why don't we have the ability to regenerate?

Takes a YEAR. That is stinky. What do they do in the meantime--put in a spacer? Or something? *cringe*