Thursday, August 09, 2007


Twelve Minute Mile? Just call me this......
I just got back to working out. I joined "Planet Fitness" which claims to be a "judgement free zone" although I judged pretty much everyone I saw there today. Wedgie Man. Scary Buff 50 year old Asian woman. Cute blonde twenty something with the great legs. (Beyotch!) Heavy African American woman with a lotta junk in the trunk (she was the only one I gave a "you go girl" under my breath.)
I am officially molasses. Turtle girl. Slow poke Sally. I used to run a nine minute mile. Zippity do and I was off. I ran a ten minute mile with TWO KIDS in a jogger when I was 34 years old. I am now grunting out a 12 minute mile on the Ellipitical. I will be down to a ten by Halloween.
I love the ellipitical. It combines the pace of running with the workout of stair climbing. If you sent an elliptical to my house it would have clothing draped all over it. I can not work out at home. Never could. And contrary to what Linda Evans used to teach, lifting coffee cans while dusting doesn't count for a work out. I need to be in a club. Go. Workout. Come home.
Twelve minutes. If I were an egg I'd be way overcooked wouldn't I?? Ten, I'm on my way.

27 comments:

M. G. Tarquini said...

Anybody who can run any mile has my undying respect.

dallasgirl said...

I am sitting here with a bright red face, having just finished my "special time" with the elliptical. I, too love the elliptical because it lets the non-runners feel like they are running. I only run if chased. It's a goal of mine to become a runner, and I hope to run a 5k by the end of the year. Lofty goal for a girl who hates to run. So anyway, I never look at how fast I go. I concentrate on my heart rate and watch how many calories I'm burning. Heart rate monitors are a big thing at my gym. Plus I've got my tunes on.

I normally go at lunch, but this week P-Diddy (my 6 year old's nickname) has swim lessons at 9am. So I get my special time early. I read your blog on the way to the gym and decided to look at my time. Good gosh. If you are molasses, then I am...well, what's slower than molasses? Oh, right Dallasgirl, that's who. I think I'm at 13.5 minutes. I think I need to do it a little more flat - mine goes to an 8 incline every 4 minutes and beefs up the resistance. That slows me way down for 4 minutes. I'll try again, but tomorrow is spin class. Yikes.

Oh, and you want a good show? Come to my gym. Oh my dang. It's a plastic freak show. Yesterday I saw a lady, maybe in her 50's, with a killer body, running her little heart out on the treadmill. Hair done, makeup done, sporting Michael Johnson gold Nikes. Sweet.

Kim Stagliano said...

And I rarely spill more than a drop of my beer! Now THAT'S talent.... :)

dallasgirl said...

Shoot that was long...sorry about that! I followed up the trip to the gym with a trip to Starbucks. Caffine...makes me chatty...

Kim Stagliano said...

DallasGirl, I praise Jesus I am in Connecticut! So do those boobs MOVE when jogging or stay still? Good for you for Ellipicalling. (I'm a writer, I made up that word.) There's lots of alternative to actual running. Although races are a blast since you are chugging along next to other people. Go for it!

Trish Ryan said...

You go girl!
I'm the same way - gotta go to the gym. No distractions there, nothing else to do.

One of my old roommates signed up to run a marathon to get back in shape; she joked about calling Guinness Beer to see if they'd sponsor her :)

amanda said...

Good for you Kim! Personally I couldn't think of anything more boring than going to a gym. Tried it twice BK (before kids) and never went after the first 3 months! I now have a dog which depending on how the kids are gets walked slower or faster round the forest. (she's a border collie so she's not bothered as long as she goes!) I can do a 4 1/2 mile circuit in 45 minutes....on a I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! day. Not bad considering this is the Highlands and we don't do flat!

henri said...

A mile in twelve minutes is five miles an hour, about the speed of smell. Congratulations.

Pepina la Pew said...

Henri, my farts travel MUCH faster... ;)

Drama Mama said...

I love the fact that skinny bitches can be slow. It makes up for your bikini body and that damned photo of you that has been burned indelibly in my mind.

I am shaped like Spongebob Sqarepants, but I'm shocked by my speed and endurance. (TWO workouts a day, and I'm STILL a size 14! Argh!)

Go figure. I'm glad you're taking care of your health.

Sandy the Squirrel (Kim) said...

YOU WHO CALLIN' SKINNY?

LOL! Great title for a book, "Slow skinny bitches."

The Anti-Wife said...

I walk my dog a couple of miles a day and figure that's enough of a workout at my age.

Laura said...

I was a good gym-goer for a while. It only takes my missing a week's worth of regular gym-going to move me back to lazy bitch mode, though. (As opposed to gym-going bitch mode). I had an elliptical at home that I used for rehab after I had knee surgery in my early 20s. I used it regularly until I had Hutton, and then it started taking up too much valuable toy space in the "bonus" room. I know it would have been moved into our bedroom to serve as clothes hanging space had I not sold it to a friend. I still miss it sometimes, but if I really wanted to work out at home, I have more than enough equipment to do so. I just choose to be a lazy bitch a bit longer, and hopefully will get back into the gym habit when school starts again!

Amanda said...

HAH! Drama I'd forgetten about THAT photo! Good point, what's the witch moaning about?? ;)

It's amazing how long my list of things to do when school starts is...Oh well, only FOUR SLEEPS TO GO!!

Michelle O'Neil said...

I HATE gyms.

I'm one of the few who actually uses her treadmill at home, and not just to dry bras.

Not in nice weather though. I do my walking outside.

I LOVE running, but always wind up with injuries. Shin splints, etc.

I walk and listen to books on tape.

Thank God for the library and for husbands who don't care about the "junk."

Holly Kennedy said...

I'm the reverse, Kim. I CAN'T workout with other people around, watching & potentially 'judging' and thinking mean thoughts. Instead, I have a treadmill at home and an elliptical and I'm happy to hit them 2-3 times a week these days in my PJs!

The Autism Express said...

i belong to an el cheapo gym with broken machines and lots of sweaty muscle guys hanging out in the corner. haven't been to the gym in ages. i want to go but since i was diagnosed with MS a couple of months ago it has been difficult to figure out what exercises i can do. i love the eliptical too. so much more exciting than the bikes or the treadmill.

i name the people at my gym too.

at my gym there is a guy who looks like hitler who wears black socks with his tennis shoes. and there is also a guy who looks like stephen king.

good luck with your work outs...

mcewen said...

I'm more of a 50 yard dash, and that was a few decades ago!
Cheers

John Elder Robison said...

I try and hike longer distances in the country. Have you ever tried that? It might be hard, though, to get enough time off from kids.

Still, I find the outdoors soothing while still enjoying the benefit of exercise. Being away from the woods I'm away from noises and sights and distractions that can tire and trouble me.

You look to me like you're in fine shape anyway, and you're certainly enviably skinny. Girls don't generally get into barroom brawls or other such events that require great strength anyway.

And there's also that kick ass State Trooper to protect you. You just have to bring him to life and move him from Framingham to Connecticut.

woof!

Kim Stagliano said...

John Elder Robison, only you could call a girl enviable skinny and have her feel entirely complimented! You do have clear, distinct voice.

I'd love to hike. I have such limited time and I have to write, run two blogs, provide care and feeding for the youngun's, clean my house, blah blah blah and then there's that whole being a wife thing. Aye yi yi! I'd speed any day of the week if I could get pulled over by my Trooper (fictional, in my book fellow bloggers.). Dee-lish! That's the fun of writing, I can create characters my readers (and I) will love, hate, mistrust, lust after and more. Hmm, I think you can do that in non-fic too though can't you?? I hope to meet your REAL trooper soon. I'll work on that.

Kim "Enviably Skinny" although I still say I look like a Q-Tip. Fluffy on top and then straight down!

WOOF!

Amanda said...

John I'm pleased to read your comment on how much better you feel in the forest as we moved to the backend of nowhere with our two autistic girls two years ago and I feel they have been calmer and happier for it. Our youngest loves mothing more than to be out in the surrounding forest wading up an down in the burn or collecting sticks and pine cones. Most of all she loves running down the tracks of course!
Only one sleep to school so I'll be back to my regular kid free hike every morning - I'll force myself to go on the days we've been up since silly o'clock as I'm sure the air will do me more good than slugging on the sofa for an hour! My waistline will be better for it too...

Amanda said...

Forgot to say I saw Stepford Wives for the first time the other night and had to giggle at the line "Where would no one notice a town full of robots? I know, Connecticut!"

ERiCA said...

I judged pretty much everyone I saw there today

LOL. Agree w/ M.G.--no way could I run a mile. Matter of fact, the only way I'd even sprint a token yard or two would be at gunpoint. =)

Shari said...

You got me beat. I used to do a 11-12 minute mile. A 9-10 minute mile? You go, girl. :)

I think it's easier to workout at a club because you put more effort to it. Now that I am not working and going to school, I had to cut expenses and it was the first to go. :( So I workout at home. I find I have to do it early in the morning or I end up not getting a workout done at all for the day. Things get in the way. Kids. Neighbor kids over. Supper. Dishes. So morning it is. :)

amanda said...

I'm so happy! The kids are in school, the sun is shining, I've dyed my hair and don't look like a bag lady, I've got jobs done...all's right with the world!

Anonymous said...

My best mile was 6:15 in high school... can't imagine what i'd run today... 30 pounds heavier!

Kim Stagliano said...

6:15? Wow.... If you doubled it you'd still beat me today! :) I'll race you to the donut stand, OK?