Monday, July 27, 2009

T-Shirt False Advertising! Mad Men!

Good grief! Women have always tricked men into thinking they had better figures than they do. Or maybe men, who designed clothes, demanded it? Think Mad Men and the be-girdled beauties, corsets, bras filled with water, gel and such. Well, it seems undergarments have "stiff" competition from the entire wardrobe.
Imagine this - on Thursday I went to Trader Joe's to stock up on food and drink and stuff for our weekend at my Mother In Laws. We bring all food we're going to eat, as if we're camping. We take all food out when we leave (including the log for the fire) - like The Grinch. Don't ask.

There's a lovely shop next to Trader Joe's called Harper's. Check out the site, (the music sounds like a bad porn movie.) The store is mostly fur and jewelry - it took me several peeks in the window to work up my courage to enter, since I do not have a fur and jewerly budget, unless you mean Muppets and the occasional sterling earrings (my last pair was $10, puzzle pieces from NAA while at Autism One.)

Turns out, there's a clothing boutique in Harpers - and they do have lovely, wearable clothes at good prices. Fine brands, but not exclusive. And you can find things that don't make this 45 year old women feel like she's trying to look like a 20 year old, nor do they make me feel like I'm wearing Sag Harbor and Village from Vermont Country Store.

I bought a layered look T-shirt off the sidewalk sale rack. $14.99! I didn't try it on. I threw it into my duffel bag and took it to the Cape.

Friday night: MIL is taking us out to dinner at Cooke's Seafood

Yum! I grab the T-shirt and go to put it on. Struggle, squish, twist, dislocated shoulder WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SHIRT!!! I read the tag: Teez-Her. It's got a GIRDLE BUILT INTO IT! I swear to God - it's got a spandex center layer under the cotton - and I though it was just a layered T-shirt.

Can I tell you? Nothing says, "You're fat" more than an uncomfortable sausage casing of spandex swaddling your middle and riding up and around.

And what of poor men? They've most caught on that the boobs aren't actually the boobs they imagine under the shirt. They are usually stuffing and propping and lifting and separating and cajoled into place. Good God, you go on a date with a nice looking gal, you get her into bed and she expands like a freaking raft boat! "PFooooooottttt!


Julie Swenson said...

If the fat actually dispensed in a flattering why rather than pooling around the hips like an overloaded cupcake, I might buy it. Or if it made my boobs look a cup bigger rather than giving me four boobs, two on top and two underneath. That's sexy.

I especially enjoy the infomercials at night showing the full-body slimming garments on a model who would have to gain 20 pounds to be underweight. No false advertising there.

Kim Rossi Stagliano said...

Yes, where does the fat go???? It has to splourble out somewhere! Very odd garment. Be comfy and don't feel like you have to squish yourself into a garment to look good. Mind you, the teen girls I see, so many of whom are quite fat - haven't gotten the Teez-Her memo. They muffin top and bra line blobble all while showing skin and tatts. Ah the freedom of youth - I envy them!

Julie Swenson said...

While we're at it, let's not forget the Kim Kardashian look

What happens if you combine the slimming garment with the butt they spring away from your body like polar opposites? One can only guess.

We have Miss Teen Muffin Top in critical numbers here in Oregon. I see them in wobbling, jiggling groups flouncing down the street with their guts proceeding them, totally unaware of the Brittney Spears and Paris Hiltons of the world (not that I condone their look either, but I thought MOST teen girls wanted to be skinny...have things changed that much in the 12--give or take 15---years since I was a teen?) I suppose if all your friends are doing it, then you gotta too.

pixiemama said...

Now you know why it was on clearance!

Kim Rossi Stagliano said...

PixieMama - a size small girdle? Yeah, you're probably right!

Crystal said...

lol. This cracks me up!

Roger Kulp said...