Tuesday, December 05, 2006

A Very Viagra Christmas?

I've noticed an alarming holiday problem. Actually, two problems. The first is that many people now think that hideous (and now ubiquitous)inflatable decorations are the new bent over garden lady with the fat ass. I can spit from my house to an inflatable Tigger, several Santas and of course, the lowliest of travel souvenirs pumped up to startling proportions; the giant snowglobe.

The second problem is that most people turn off the air supply to these monstrosities during daylight. And this means their festivity goes all flaccid. Droopy decorations sit on every other lawn like grandpa's weenie after a hit of insulin and his statin drugs. It ain't pretty.

I actually miss the old retro plastic Santa pulling the sleigh with four reindeer (they never could fit all eight plus Rudy, could they?) Why? Hell, at least Santa stayed UP all day and night.

8 comments:

Thomma Lyn said...

LMAO!! Y'know, my hubby and I laughed over a flaccid Santa and a flaccid Frosty we saw in a neighbor's yard just the other day. Flaccid Frosties aren't exactly the height of festivity... ;)

Kim Stagliano said...

It's like day of the living dead! As creepy as they are at night, it's WORSE to see them all rumpled up on the lawns during the day.

ORION said...

This is hilarious.
But true.
Here in Hawaii it is rampant. Holiday decorations are the only way we have any idea what season it is. That and what's in the Macy's catalog!

Manic Mom said...

LOL, a flaccid Santa! Our family has what I think is a made-up word, and it's flaumy. (Rhymes with balmy)... same thing: Flaccid, Flaumy.

I should go look it up. And wait, is Flaccid two Cs or one? Too much time on my hands.

Kim Stagliano said...

As in "no fun for mommy when daddy is flaumy?" Six appletinis...

There is a virtual GRAVEYARD of these inflatables a few doors down. I can't figure out how to get a photo on my blog though. Mo-ron!

LadyBronco said...

I can't get the picture of a flaccid Santa and a flacid Frosty standing next to each other out of my head...

Must go wash my eyes out with acid now...lol!

Laura said...

That is too funny and true! I haven't seen any of the giant inflatable snowglobes in a yard yet, but when I saw one in the drugstore I wondered who in the world would buy something that big and useless, though, big and useless in a festive way, I suppose. Provided they're blown up, that is.

Trish Ryan said...

You have a point there...and possibly another Huffpo piece :)