Thursday, October 30, 2008

Splenda Plus Fiber! Wow! Now you can fart and poop too!

I really dislike artificial sweeteners. Have you noticed that since Nutrasweet arrived in our Diet Coke in 1984 we've gotten fatter and sicker than ever? Sugar free doesn't mean healthy. Do you really think you can fool the human body into accepting a substitute for the one substance required to make energy? That would be glucose. Sugar. Required to create ATP. Our basic source of energy. Yes, in addition to ogling a cute boy in Class IV (that's freshman year for you non preppies) biology, I paid attention too.

Splenda, which turns me into a fleeing latex balloon after about 4 bites (pfpfpfpfpfpfpfpfpfpf) is now available with fiber. Because you really need to get fiber in your coffee or iced tea, right?
God almighty, eat an apple. Choke down some All Bran. I suggest you pass (gas) on this new Splenda though.

(PS) My former landlord works on the Splenda account at McNeil labs. I've never shared some of our stories from that little yellow house in CT. The filthy walls, the broken appliances, the slimy green exterior, the splinter filled deck.... Ours for over $2000 a month! One day I'll bust loose on that one. The house is for sale. She fixed most of the broken stuff AFTER we moved.


Petra said...

Saw the ad on TV yesterday (after I heard about another certain ad that left me utterly disgusted - not so much the ad itself, but the money that was spent to be able to broadcast it).

Splenda w/ fiber, it's just too silly for words. But it's all in line with wanting that easy 'fix' (pun very much intended).

In my darkest moments (and I am certainly stuck on one of those today), I envision, about 10 years into the future, the majority of kids being carted around in wheelchairs, on a continuous IV drip of psychotropic drugs and Splenda-like "food". And people will still be pretending that this is all just 'normal' and that it has always been like this but that we notice it more know because of "better diagnosis"...

Amy said...

I use to drink Diet Coke everyday. Mainly because I freaking love regular Coke so much that I was practically freebasing it. It's the nectar of the gods. I thought a switch to Diet was a good move.

So hearing of Splenda, I was like "awesome, let's go load up at Costco". Well I bought the baking kind instead of the little packets because I have a problem sometimes with attention to detail...going too fast to actually look at the package. Whatever, I thought - I'll use it in the coffee. Poured a teaspoon into my coffee and that shizzle fizzled. Seriously - it fizzed up in my face. Freaked me out so bad that I threw it all away. That just ain't right.

Now I drink my coffee with some half and half, no sugar or sweet stuff. And I kicked the Diet Coke habit. If I need a caffine boost, I drink tea. And if the world is crashing in around me, I drink a Coke. Because it makes everything right in my world. But just one.

And I'm with an apple. :)

Grace Wallis said...

My mother and my sister use that fake stuff in their tea/coffee. They carry the little packets in their purses. The sad thing is neither of them need to lose weight. Why are they using this crap. I have always been suspicious of these man made foods. But when I was diagnosed with Crohn's the nutritionist strongly advised me not to use products with that fake sweetners.
I keep telling my mom they act like a diaretic but she keeps bringing the packets when she visits. Personally I prefer REAL sugar in my tea and real butter in baking/cooking! It just means I need to keep exercising!

Leeann said...

I'm a bit behind (pun intended!) Kim, but I just strained my stomach muscles laughing over this post! (I guess it didn't help that yesterday I did 50 sit-ups for the first time in five years).

Laura said...

Uggh! I never drank Diet Coke, but did almost get hooked on Coke Zero, until I figured out there was no healthy way something could taste that good and have no sugar in it! (Well, maybe stevia...) Now I try to just drink soft drinks on the weekends if we go out to eat. I have some splenda in the cabinet for when Mom visits, but that's pretty rare, and I should make her have real sugar in her coffee!

Hubby buys "Mexican Coke" at Costco to bring into his office - it's the Coke formula made with cane sugar instead of corn syrup they sell in Mexico, and I always think it's soooo funny to talk about Hubby's thing for Mexican Coke.

RJeff said...

Ugh - I think I'm addicted to Diet Coke. The least I can do is to not pass this disgusting habit on to my kids. Fortunately, my son does not especially like sweets, and my daughter - let's just say sugar would be a bad idea in any event!

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