Tuesday, June 16, 2009

What Makes Us Fight? (In a good way.)

I often wonder why some of us fight/challenge/take on/refuse to roll over and play dead and others accept, or at least pretend to accept, choosing not to fight much at all. Not just autism. Cancer, a bum hand in life, job loss, divorce, MS, ALS, you name it.

I see a lot of beautiful, strong women facing cancer on FaceBook and it blogs. I worry so much for my kids. But I am healthy. And grateful.

This scene from Sex and the City is one of my favorites. It's for fighters everywhere.


Amy in Idaho said...

Some of it has to do with the culture in which you were raised. Upper and middle class see themselves as the masters of their destinies (ie - the world is what I make it). Lower economic classes generally have a more fatalistic view about life and see "bad" things as a sort of fate (ie - the world is what happens to me). Donna Beegle has some great work/research around this.

I have my days of fighting and I have my days of weaving and bobbing. I generally consider myself a fighter but I save my best punches for the biggest battle. Perhaps it's all just the perception of the battle?

Kim Stagliano said...

I don't know. Look at immigrant populations. They begin in the lower echelons and progress rapidly. I think it's a personality trait - regardless of station.

Amy in Idaho said...

You're absolutely right Kim. I should have mentioned that it's a generational (US) poverty trait - not just poverty. 'Cause if it was just poverty, I'd have to include myself these days :)

Kim Stagliano said...

Welcome! We've plenty of room - of course we aren't living in poverty. Not even close. Although our standard of living has changed dramatically in the last 7 years. Yet I'm as happy as can be. Sure I'd like to buy clothes and extras without a second thought. I can't. I'd like to not worry about paying bills. No can do yet. I'd like to be able to do nice things at holiday time for family and friends. Not this year. It's stressful, but I have food in my belly and live in a nice house and have a great family. I'll survive.

navywifeandmom said...

I confess, the first three years that my daughter was diagnosed I just sort of shut down and did not fight. I mean, I enrolled her in school, read about biomed treatments, took her to a DAN! when we were stationed in Hawaii (and then didn't take her back), I halfheartedly tried the GFCF diet (turns out she had other issues and needed a much more targeted diet; GFCF did nothing for her).

I hate to say this, but I had a pretty darned good childhood, everything had always come to me in the way that it should, and I had never had any real type of adversity that I had NO choice but to fight and face up to come in my life until autism did. And now I wonder if I can save my daughter at all because I shut down the first few years and did not want to fight. I was in survival mode all those years; I hated being a mother, I hated life in general. I hated that my perfect little dream of having a perfect family with all the children healthy did not come true. And to a degree I still hate it, but now I AM fighting and it feels so much better to be fighting than to be lying down.

Kim Stagliano said...

Navy Wife, it's NEVER too late. I didn't know jack about biomed or diet for years either. You're here. That's what matters. No guilt allowed. Got that, sailor???

At ease.

navywifeandmom said...

Kim, I did a plug for your blog on my own :)

GFCF Mommy said...

Hi Kim,

I haven't had a chance to thank you for posting this until now. Samantha is one of my "cancer heroes" just like you are one of my "warrior mom" heroes" (except you are real, not fictional!)

Having an especially rough time with the surgically induced menopause today, "my face is running down my couture" as Samantha would say! (Not that I have couture--Target is my speed these days!) But watching this again made me smile.

Thank you!


Crystal said...

Amen! I totally agree. Gotta love Samantha...for SO many reasons. :) Wish I had her social life. :)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Amy that is bullshit and insulting! I know more rich snobs that crumble in face of life struggle then others!!! Kim is right and it is personality traits! Its not what happens to you in life but how you react to it that defines you!!!

My wife has breast cancer stage 3b!!! At the age of 25 our life was turn upside down then year later we were told our son had autism. My wife at 25 years old had get bi-lateral mastectomy, 9 months of chemo, 7 weeks radiation for 5 days week 15 mins a day. as learn about autism. They gave my wife only 20% chance of living 10 years.

You want talk about lower economic classes! My wife grew up with no in door plumbing in W.V. She took bath in river! I myself at live in aunt 2 bedroom house in Bronx N.Y. with my 11 siblings when my dad lost everything. The floor is were I slept and my pillow was my cloths roll up!

Thank God my wife still here and cancer free. In 3 days she will be 33 years old. My son is 80% recovered from autism using cord blood/adult stem cells and mHBOT/HBOT. My book will be out soon and J.B. Handley (co-founder of G.R.) does intro and interview for my book.

We are still lower economic class today. Just sold my house for lost and not because I had to(put $60k as down payment when bought it with fix low interest) but to get my son in a state that has better schools.

Amy don't try sum people up in such small group of rich and poor! Life is so much more complex then that!!!

Thank you and wish you all well
Daniel Faiella