Saturday, September 19, 2009

Poopin' with Jenny McCarthy

Last night I dreamt about Jenny McCarthy, Mom, actress, author, child health and safety activist and advocate and funny, funny lady. Men who dream about Jenny get the sexy part. Women who dream about her might be looking for hair or makeup tips, or info on how to help their children. Most women, that is. Me? We compared poop.

I was a party at Jenny's house. She was not there. I had to use the bathroom and I snuck away to her bathroom for privacy - and I think to run away from my children for a moment. Now, if you are like me (and most women, I'm convinced) pooping is reserved for the home field. Pooping in public places is verboten. The newswoman on Howard Stern Lisa G admitted to pooping at work occasionally and the team immediately came up with an intro song for her that sounds all proper and newlike except the lyrics are "Lisa G Take Shits at Worrrrrrrk."

There is a product selling like gangbusters to address this tissue issue - check it out, it's called Poo Pourri. I kid you not. Mark knows the woman who invented it. It's essential oils you spray onto the toilet water before using the toilet. People think you just crapped an orange when you leave the stall.

So, back to the dream. I am on the toilet when Jenny walks in. She is surprised. As am I - and apologetic. Then she says, "Wait, are you pooping? Here, look at mine!" And somehow her poop appears on the counter. And we compare.
This is what autism Moms do. We examine our kids' poop all the time. For texture, color, smell (it's hell but the off smell off the offal off smell can really tell if you're child is well) and creepy critters. Yes, worms. We rarely examine each other's though.

Tonight, maybe I'll just stay awake.
(My apologies to the Coprophilia crowd who is now sorely disappointed in this post.)


Stephen Parrish said...

When I dream about Jenny McCarthy, and I say "Show me yours," poop is NOT what I have in mind.

Kim Rossi Stagliano said...

I should hope not! LOL!

Michelle O'Neil said...


P.S. I wonder if John McCain poops? Nevermind, I don't want to know.

K Fuller said...

Your dream made me think of this.
Delete it if you dont think it is funny.

Anonymous said...

I'm crying from reading this. OMG. Poop is a huge part of this house! This dream wins over all of them!

Roger Kulp said...

Hey,I could compare poop all day long,with Jenny or anybody else.That's what this blog is all about.

Don't forget when you're there to
click on photo to enlarge & see more detail !

Too bad she doesn't update the blog more frequently.

I don't socialize,but maybe if I did,I might start a conversation by asking someone what their recent Bristol numbers are :).

I don't understand why this woman had the reaction she did to her own poop.A lot of us either used to,or still do, like to smear it on our naked bodies.Ah the memories.

Oh while we're on the subject,go here:

Look at the orange bars for "GI issues".

Kim Rossi Stagliano said...

Oh Roger!You're wonderful. I love when you comment here. K

michele i. said...

hey girl, that is pretty damn funny!

An autism dad I know and I often share cell phone pictures of our kids poop. We're both always proud of the really good ones!

After reading your post today, I no longer think that is crazy~


Summer said...

Oh my gosh. Kim, you are such a blessing. You had me AND my oldest daughter cracking up. I am sure I speak for others when I say you bring me little rays of sunshine every time you type.

Cath said...

I think I just crapped a little while I was laughing...I'll take a picture and post it to Tori's poop AND Jenny can look at it. This is too funny...One question - was there smell-o-vision in your dream? I hope not. said...

Oh my god Kim you're so warped, lol. After you said you had a dream about Jenny I was oh so hoping for details about the pillow fight and then the subsequent awkward kiss. Nope, Kim's talkin shit again!

Kim Rossi Stagliano said...

Sorry, AL - I can only call 'em as I dream 'em.

Candy said...

I love the "just crapped an orange" part...great invention!