Kim On HuffPo: What Makes a Good Father?

Boys, Men, Howard Stern and Father's Day

Hi, friends - happy summer! I wrote this for HuffPo - please pop over there to comment?

Boys, Men, Howard Stern and Father's Day.

On Thursday night I attended a party at Magnolia Bakery on the Upper West Side in Manhattan. The hostess was a radio personality named Lisa G. who is also the newswoman on The Howard Stern Show on Sirius Satellite radio. If you've read my book All I Can Handle I'm No Mother Teresa you know I am a huge Howard Stern fan and have been for almost 20 years. Sure, it's incongruous for a buttoned down, Lilly Pulitzer wearing, Fairfield County CT  autism Mom to throw out a "Bababooey" as easily as "Honey, where's the plunger and the snake!?"  But I love to laugh, am a fan of the irreverent and Howard Stern has gotten me through some rough days and nights during this autism journey. When someone yells, "Does anyone remember laughter?" I say "YES! It's on Howard 100!"

While at the party, which featured not only the delicious cupcakes for which Magnolia is famous, but an assortment of home baked treats by both Lisa G. and Stern Show SuperFan extraordinaire Mariann From Brooklyn, a beautiful woman (that's she in the photo with me) who is also Howard Stern's biggest fan bar none, I struck up a conversation with a 31-year-old woman I'll call Ayesha.  The topic of my children came up, and we talked about a friend of hers who has a child on the spectrum and whose husband pooped the bed in terms of caring for him. Or her.

And then she asked me a question that made me put down my cream cheese chocolate chip cookie bar (and that ain't easy for me to do) and think hard. It went something like this: "What traits should I look for in a man I can consider as husband and father of my children to make sure that doesn't happen to me?"

Well color me Cookie Puss and call me Debbie the Pet Lady.  I didn't have an immediate answer. It wasn't the sugar haze I was reveling in either that made me think hard. But I thought of my own husband of 20 years Mark, and how he has stood by me and our three beautiful daughters, Mia (17), Gianna (15) and Bella (11) through thick, thin and thin enough for an electron microscope. I shared this thought with her.

Beside the basic kindness and generosity that you'd look for in a husband and the more superficial attraction, it's impossible to know who will rise and who will sink like a stone when adversity moves in for a long stay.  There are no guarantees, which is why traditional wedding vows cover all the bases, good and bad, though there isn't  bride alive who pays attention to worse, poorer or sicker on her  wedding day. I sure didn't.

This weekend is Father's Day. I'd like to thank my husband for acting as our family anchor even while he keeps us afloat during tough times. It's not easy to watch your children suffer and struggle. Not a father watching his son -- or a man whose every instinct is to protect his daughters.

Thank you to all the Dads who stand by their families. I wish I had better advice for Ayesha. I got lucky. I hope she does too. Did you?

And we're Off to the Els4Autism event!

And I'll have a special post to share when I return. It has to with something I wrote in my book that is finally going to come true!

An Evening with Kim Stagliano

Family Autism Center will be hosting an evening with Kim Stagliano
on Wednesday, October 26th from 6:30 p.m. - 8:30 p.m. at
789 Clapboardtree Street in Westwood, MA.

Kim Stagliano is the mother of three daughters who have autism, the
managing editor of Age of Autism (the nation’s first daily web
newspaper about the autism epidemic), a contributor for The
Huffington Post, The Debutante Ball, The Dallas Morning News
Moms Blog and has appeared on Good Morning America (with her
kids!), ABC News, Fox News, in The Chicago Tribune, The National
Catholic Register, and on blogs around the world.

Most recently, she is the author of All I Can Handle: I’m No Mother
Theresa (A Life Raising Three Daughters with Autism). Please join us
for a night of stories, both Kim’s and yours – we would love for you to
come and share your own thoughts on living with autism! Kim’s book
will be available for purchase. If you are interested in attending,
please contact Betsy Roche at eroche@sncarc.org to RSVP.
We look forward to seeing you on the 26th!

20 Years of Marriage

If you've read my book, yeah, that pink one, you know that the closest I've come to divorcing Mark took place both on and because of a golf course. He was playing way too much for a Dad of three young kids with autism. I was getting angrier by the second and one day? KABLOOEY! I lost it on him at the golf club.

So imagine my surprise, er, chagrin, well let's call it UTTER HORROR when we learned that since Mark and his partner Don raised over $10,000 for the Els4Autism Golf Challenge that he had won a trip to Las Vegas for the next event. During the weekend of our wedding anniversary. Quoting from my book and Depeche Mode, "I think that God's got a sick sense of humor."

Hell yes.

We leave on the 21st thanks to my Mom and some amazing helpers. More to follow!

Paperback Release Day All I Can Handle I'm No Mother Teresa A Life Raising Three Daughters with Autism.

Hi, friends, time to get back to blogging. I've been cheating on the blog with FB and Twitter and honestly, bloggy deserves better!

Today is my paperback release day! I've added content and even some GFCF recipes (Food TV will not be calling anytime soon, trust me.) Buy it at Amazon or local stores.

School year is going great for all three girls. Gianna is in high school with Mia. (Yikes.) Bella is tall and growing taller every day.

Big news for Mark and me???? (Dear God no, it's NOT another baby, get the salt and throw it over your shoulder!) We're going to Las Vegas for an Els4Autism event and to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. I'll have a a great blog post when I return, I promise. Thanks to the legion of helpers including my Mom and Dad so we can get away for the first time in almost 10 years.

Welcome to The Talk Viewers!



I hope I didn't leave any dirty undies on the floor of my blog!!! Came running over to check. Seems like everything is in its proper place.

I'm so tired today - Mark and I drove to Maplewood NJ (about 90 miles from our home in CT) to Words for a signing. What fun! The store CATERS to families of people on the spectrum. They have a work-shop for adult employment and offer programs. They also have a sensory seating area and you don't get the "Ooh is that poop on your shoe!?" face from the sales staff if your child makes noise. I love WORDS.

We arrived home around midnight. I got up at my usual 6am to prepare the girls' GFCF breakfasts and lunches. I watched the wedding too - I admit it! And I cried. Color me romantic. Who knew? Spent time thinking about my own wedding - Mark and I celebrate our 20th this October. Good golly Miss Molly how did that happen. No - really, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? Have you read my book? :)


Then I continued my quest to kickbox myself into oblivion. Today was DAY FIVE this week. I'm shooting for 5-6 classes a week. Did I mention my 30th HS reunion is in two weeks? I know - so cliche! I kick box at Hanko Ryu in our town and Shihan is a tough taskmaster, it's really boot camp. On Wednesday he dropped the medicine ball on our stomach as we lay on the floor. Today he timed us on his obstacle course he may have borrowed from Abu Graib and then made us do a sort of push up where it only counted if your chest hit the floor. I call that blatant discrimination of the flat girl, don't you? I feel like screaming, "I DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE TO GO!!!!" every few moments during class.

After class today I got home, showered and crawled into bed. Mark (who works from home) was pleased as punch. Until I looked at him from under the covers, pulled up to my chin thank you, and said, "No really, IT'S A NAP." Poor boy!

The kids are about home from school. Have a great weekend everyone!

Tomorrow is day 6 of kick boxing (I'm addicted to the class and the terrific people who attend, and Shihan is actually a great guy, husband and father - originally from ROMA and his accent makes the commands a bit less painful) and Saturday is the toughest day of all. wish me luck!

Neutrogena Deep Wrinkle Cream Really WORKS!

It does, it does!!! How do I know I look younger after just ONE APPLICATION! I got a giant zit about an hour after opening the damn tube. Jeez oh man - now I have a frown line that looks like the Mariana Trench and a zit. Isn't that lovely?

Kim Stagliano: More of All I Can Handle. Bus Driver Gets Accelerated Rehab

Photo credit: Autumn Driscoll, CT Post newspaper

That's me holding the 84 page petition (with a Bella on top), 1099 signatures and comments from around the world after the court decision. Thank you to everyone who signed. Guzman did receive penalties. She has two years probation, she lost her license to drive any vehicle for two years, must pay a $500 fine to an autism org (I've already recommended a local org to the State's attorney) perform 200 hours of community service and more - I'll need to read the transcript for final results. That said, at the end of the two years, if she meets the terms of her probation, she will have her record expunged and be able to apply for any job she wants. The article below is from The CT Post newspaper. Kim

By Daniel Tepfer
BRIDGEPORT -- Despite the angry objections by nearly a dozen Trumbull parents a state Superior Court judge granted a special probation program for a former Trumbull school bus driver accused of texting while driving a busload of special need children.

Evelyn Guzman, of Henry Avenue in Stratford, will not be allowed to drive for two years and was ordered by Judge Earl Richards to apologize to the parents in the courtroom Friday morning.

But Guzman later backtracked outside the courtroom, blaming the parents for her situation.

Guzman was charged in March with risk of injury to a minor and second-degree reckless endangerment by Trumbull police following a 10-month investigation.

Police said she sent and received a total of 1,068 text messages from April 6, 2010 to May 15, 2010.

The investigation began after an assault complaint was made against Guzman's daughter, 24-year-old Jennifer Davila, who was working as a bus monitor on Guzman's bus.

Davila was arrested in August for allegedly assaulting a 9-year-old autistic girl multiple times while the girl was riding on the bus. Davila's case is still pending, and she's scheduled to appear in court April 1. She was arrested in August for allegedly assaulting a 9-year-old autistic girl multiple times while she was on the bus....

Read the full story at CT Post.

My statement to the court:

Good morning, Your Honor. And thank you for this opportunity. My name is Kim Stagliano. My husband Mark and I have three daughters with autism. Our youngest Isabella rode Evelyn Guzman’s elementary school special education bus. Last week, Ms. Guzman’s daughter Jennifer Davila pleaded guilty under the Alford Doctrine to second-degree reckless endangerment after having been arrested for assaulting Bella numerous times on the school bus. It was the video tape review for that case that lead Detective Kevin Hammel to discover Ms. Guzman’s continuous texting and lack of attention to the road. For our Bella, that bus was a rolling torture chamber.

Distracted driving is a national emergency. As a judge, you have before you today an opportunity to send a clear message to CT and the country, that drivers, especially paid commercial drivers, will face the stiffest penalties for endangering everyone on the road.

I have here a petition that I started last Friday. There are 1099 signatures from concerned people around the world asking you to please deny Evelyn Guzman the privilege of accelerated rehabilitation.

Every day she chose to text while driving, she could have killed the children on the bus. She could have killed her own daughter and her grandchildren, who rode her bus as a makeshift daycare center. She showed no regard for fellow drivers or even the unsuspecting person standing at their mailbox or taking a baby for walk.

According to the Trumbull schools transportation department, Guzman’s Verizon records showed 27 minutes of texting during a single 28 minute bus route. This may be her first arrest, but it’s hardly a first time offense, as the bus videotapes show over and over. This case has been featured in the national TV, Internet and print news. I hope to be able to tell the millions of people watching this case that she will stand and face her charges without benefit of accelerated rehabilitation.

April is Autism Awareness month, I can’t think of a better way to voice our support, than to protect the children, like my Bella, who can not speak for or protect themselves.

Thank you.

Kim Stagliano is Managing Editor of Age of Autism. Her book from Skyhorse Publishing, All I Can Handle I'm No Mother Teresa; A Life Raising Three Daughters with Autism is available now. Visit her website at Kim Stagliano.

Reviews!

Kim Stagliano Shares Reviews for All I Can Handle I'm No Mother Teresa

I've been meaning to share some of the incredibly kind things people are saying about my book. And as a show of how honest and upstanding I can be (except when I'm stealing from the Stop & Shop or stripping off my undies in public, for those of you who've read the book) I'll even share some not so good reviews. I will not reprint the review of the person who seemed to think I should have stopped having children some time ago.... Really, hand the Lubriderm for the thick skin required for that one!

"I don't feel so alone." That's my take away from the reviews. And that's exactly what I'd hoped my book would do for fellow families in the autism world. And from people outside our community I'm hearing, "I just didn't know that life with a child on the spectrum was so demanding." Again, that makes me smile big time. Mission accomplished x two!

5.0 out of 5 stars Loved This Book!, October 28, 2010

This book is a must-read, whether or not autism directly impacts your life on a daily basis. I should rephrase that, because while I do not have a child with autism, by the time I was a quarter of the way through Kim's book, I realized that autism impacts all our lives on a daily basis, it's just not necessarily on our radar if we're not in the trenches with it every day. Kim is never didactic -- her voice is honest, off-the-cuff, and hysterically funny -- but she lays out points that shock you with their simple truth. I finished the book not only feeling like I'd made a new friend, but also awed by how much there is to be done -- and how much CAN be done -- both to better protect kids from autism, and to help those who are already affected. I will read this book over and over again, and would recommend it to absolutely anyone.
I am the mom of a child on the autism spectrum and it is a challenge to say the least - humor goes a long way towards lightening the load. This book had me laughing out loud many times (and tearing up once or twice). The author related many experiences similar to mine - I felt like I had company on this journey - a friend to laugh with when the going gets tough. I finished the book in two sittings - could not put it down. It was a great read!

5.0 out of 5 stars Superbly done!!!, October 22, 2010

A well written account of what it is like to raise children with autism and come through life's trevails with success and happiness. This book covers it all and is wonderfully written in short chapters which were easy to read. From one Warrior Mom to another - Great work Kim! Well done!!!

1.0 out of 5 stars Not just about autism, March 20, 2011

Was an enjoyable identifiable read until the author began to focus on Obama, Gay Marriage and Catholic faith. She speaks frequently of being Catholic followed by evidence she fails to abide by the Faith. A poor representative of Catholicism in a book that's guised to be about autism recovery.

5.0 out of 5 stars She's the Real Deal, October 21, 2010

I finished this book in a day. I wish it was longer! Kim Stagliano writes about her own life yet it runs parrallel to mine and so many other warrior moms. She shows that through the tough times (and she's had many), you can survive and thrive. She gives great information about autism that is easy to digest. There is no rereading the page to figure out what she is saying. It's plain and simple and truthful. I would suggest this book to families with autism and those without (are there really any without these days?). It was a pleasure to turn each page and share a laugh and even a few tears. I hope this is just one of many books to come from Kim Stag.

2 out of 5 stars Just another book about autism

...For some reason I have a feeling that writing this book was Kim's last shot to get back to her wealthy life style. And I hope she will be able to get enough profits from book sells to secure her daughters future and leave life she leaved once.

Kim's Note: (Clearly that reviewer is unaware of the economics of writing in 2011!)