KimStagliano.com Coming Soon!

Autism One Generation Rescue Conference Here I Come!
Click the link to watch live streaming from the Grand Ballroom.

Book Expo America and Skyhorse Publishing

Yesterday the team at Skyhorse welcomed me into their booth at Book Expo America. At the advice of the fabulous Bella Stander, of Book Promotion 101, I had excerpts that I handed out for a short period of time, eyes scanning badges for librarians, press and bookstore buyers. "Hi, this is a humorous memoir with an autism theme that belongs on your 'and you won't need a Prozac to read it,' shelf!" I chatted with sales and publicity and, I hope, gave them a feel for who I am, the tone of the book and confidence that they can send me out to promote the title. I restrained the excited 12 year old who wanted to jump up and down when I saw my book on the signage. I was cool(ish.)

Esther Bochner, Publicist, me, Tony Lyons, Publisher (and author and fellow autism parent.)

Skyhorse had a good week - their catalog is loaded with terrific titles and the debut book Callous Disregard from Dr. Andrew Wakefield (the British doc of the MMR/Autism controversy) hit #11 on Amazon on its launch day. #11!!! It was a fun day to watch the number tumble.

Mark came into the show with me, and it was divine to share the moment with him. He has more photos. I'll get them.

8th Grade Memories

I just dropped off Mia at her Middle School for "Spring Fling." The school has been wonderful, and both her teacher and her para are there to escort her through the events which include: salon, tie dye station, games, music, swimming and more. Mia will stay until after my bedtime - 9pm. The night goes into a dance after the ice cream social, but I figure Mia can stand in a line against the wall anytime she wants, why do it at school?

I got to think of my graduation from 8th grade in 1977. We had a fancy dance and I swayed at arm's length from Steven Spadoni to the ubiquitous 70s prom song below. I didn't even "like" Steven Spadoni. I don't think I had a crush on anyone in 8th grade. Maybe Mike Kerrigan a bit. Now they're 47 year old men. Man, oh man...

Our Special Day

Sweet Bella made her First Communion last Saturday. Jill at Sweet Gluten-Free made this beautiful cake. Those of you who are regular readers know that I love to bake. But I know my limitations! This is a gluten and casein free cake, it was chocolate with a coconut oil based frosting and so delicious. Not overly sweet, moister than any cake I could ever bake. Jill did a beautiful job for us. She delivers in Fairfield County and into the city and Westchester as well.
Autism Moms, can you spot the "I am a raptor and will protect my child" stance I assumed? I thought I'd have to help Bella, but she walked right up to Fr. D. and took her Communion on her own. Mark and I looked at each other with surprise and joy. Bella was beaming when she sat down, clearly pleased with herself.




Bella wore her first pair of patent leather sandals. We usually stick with sneakers, and have had Land's End sandals, but never something with a small heel and cut out fancy-dan hearts! My good friend Amy lent me her daughter's dress. It was elegant and simple and perfect for Bella. Kimmy don't need no Jon Benet Ramsay "Look, Ma I'm 24!" dresses on her kids.

This photo matches the one we have from Mia and Gianna's First Communion. Not sure how I remembered we needed to snap it - but we did. My Mom handled the digital camera with ease. And look, we even have heads! (Family joke, my Mom reads my blog. Hi Mom!)
That's the cake after our party. It was gone by Sunday. I made GFCF cross cookies and bought a small Wilton cake topper as a decoration. I did not sully the perfectly professional cake with the cake topper, she simply sat on the cookie dish.

I am grateful to our Parish and Miss J. and Frs. D and G for supporting my girls. I'm usually pretty tough on "The Church." But at the grassroots, I'm pleased with how my girls have been welcomed.

Party Game! "Lower That Amazon Ranking for David Kirby's Animal Factory."

Today we're celebrating our good friend David Kirby's birthday. Since you won't have time to bake him a cake and schlep it to New York, we have an idea for you.

Purchase a copy of his book Animal Factory at Amazon and we'll give him a great ranking today. And then we'll do something nice for you. Email me your Amazon receipt with your address and size (M-XL) (HERE) and we'll send you a free AofA t-shirt. Presents for you too! Already own a copy? Send one to your Senator or Congressman.

Congratulations, Bella! Sweet Bella is making her First Holy Communion today. Mark and I are proud of her. I'll add photos later. This is Bella as a tot in Ohio.

Congratulations, Kim! It's a Website! The fabulous Jo from Glass Slipper Web Design is designing my website. As of today, the "coming soon" page is complete and just beautiful. My blog will be connected to the site, of course.

KimStagliano.com

Happy Mother's Day!

Surrounded By Men!

Sometimes my Google alerts make me roll my eyes, as there are folks who do not care for me or my brand of autism advocacy or my snarky-self in general. Meh. As long as they spell my name right. But today I got a treat. Amazon bundles books - and so I snapped a screen shot of a Google alert for Autism that included my book bundled with a group I happen to think is the cat's pajamas:

Callous Disregard by Dr. Andrew Wakefield,

Age of Autism: Mercury, Medicine and a Manmade Epidemic by my colleagues Mark Blaxill and Dan Olmsted

Cutting Edge Therapies for Autism by Ken Siri and Tony Lyons (my Publisher at Skyhorse)

The Autism Book by Dr. Bob Sears

Kim Stagliano: Autism Should Not Be a Death Sentence

Please read the full post and comment over at Huffington Post. Thanks.

...I wish I could tell you that autism brings only love and joy and candy canes and OMG! Ponies! Sometimes it feels like that's all the media (and even some within the autism world) want to hear from those of us living day to day caring for a loved one(s) or even those with the diagnosis themselves. If only that were the full reality for families. It's not.

However, that doesn't mean autism is nothing but stress and challenges and tears. Not by a long shot. And it doesn't mean people with autism are doomed. Not even as adults.

Last weekend, the carnival came to my town. And I knew "he" would be there.

Bob.

Bob who has autism, looks to be in his 40s, and rides the Scrambler from the moment the gates open until they close...

Order Mad Men's "Sal Romano" aka Bryan Batt's Memoir: She Ain't Heavy, She's My Mother

Debuts May 4th, order here!

The Tavernier Stones by Stephen Parrish!

I am about to dig into a book by my good writing friend Stephen Parrish. I "met" Stephen and many other wonderful folks through a blog called Miss Snark. Miss Snark was the bomb. She was an anon literary agent who gave your the straight skinny on publishing from the end of a bullwhip. The pain was exquisite and her club was the place to be even though I never did warm up to the ball gag. Hey, I'm a talker, what can I say? Alas, "she" retired and the party ended. Many of us leapt over to FB, which, sans Snark, is not quite the same.

I am thrilled that Stephen is now published. His book is a rollicking mystery with... are you ready? A built in puzzle/contest called an "Armchair Treasure Hunt" for a 1 carat diamond! This is like an online scavenger hunt for clues. You read the book, check out his site, follow around the web looking for clues. (Hint hint look the the right and down, no, no, scroll down a bit more. See it? Yes, that. No, I don't know what the hell it means either!)

You can go to Stephen Parrish to learn how to play and where to buy the book. I think it would be GREAT for folks with Asperger's and HFA to join the hunt!

Congrats, Stephen!

Commissioner Sapolin of New York's Office For Persons with Disabilities Presents Award to Kim Stagliano

Here's my brief (it's about 3 minutes of the video) speech at the National Autism Association Metro New York event. That's Bella's voice you hear in the background. Mark and the girls were next to Dan Olmsted, our Editor at Age of Autism and he took the video on his iPhone. He came up to NY from DC just for the event. I was very touched. We had a huge meltdown in the car ride into the City, when Gianna realized our new minivan, as luxurious as it is (the seats go back like La-Z-Boys with foot rests!) it does NOT have WiFi and her iTouch would not access YouTube. She was upset. Very. For an hour. As we passed by Bellevue Psychiatric Hospital on the FDR, I longed to lunged out of the car and into a softly padded room. I mention that in the speech. Natch.

New York City Acknowledges Autism Awareness with ACTION
What else would you expect from the greatest city on the planet?

Last night, Mark, the girls and I went to the venerable Council Chamber at New York City Hall. In that beautiful room, Commissioner Sapolin, from the Mayor's Office for People with Disabilities, talked about how NYC will tackle autism from all sides for all people. He used an analogy (you know how I love analogies) of Helen Keller. (He is seeing impaired.) He recounted how she single handedly changed the perception of blindness, of disability, from an object of mere pity, to a human child who could and did learn. From there, America embarked on a new course for the blind.



New York is setting a new course for autism, with the help of the National Autism Association NY Metro Chapter which includes the 5 boroughs, Westchester and Rockland Counties.

TODAY! NYC World Autism Awareness Month is Honoring Kim Stagliano.

Wow. I'm floored. I received a call from our friends at NAA NY Metro Chapter that they are honoring me at this event. I in turn, will honor all of you, fellow autism parents and advocates. Mark, the girls and I will be there. If you can get into the city, hope to see you.

WORLD AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH

Please Join
Commissioner Matthew Sapolin,
Mayor's Office for People with Disabilities
and
The National Autism Association - NY Metro Chapter
for an event commemorating

WORLD AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH
Monday, April 19, 2010, 5:00 pm - 7:00 pm

Council Chamber, City Hall
1 Centre Street, New York, NY

• Honoring Kim Stagliano, an extraordinary autism mom and Managing Editor, Age of Autism, for her remarkable contributions in raising awareness about autism
• Enjoy inspirational speakers, music and refreshments
There is no charge and children are welcome

Questions may be directed to:

Khalid Rehman MD
Chair, Advocacy & Awareness Committee
National Autism Association - New York Metro Chapter
klrehman@yahoo.com Tel: 917.639.3397

Please let us know in advance if you require a reasonable accommodation.

Please visit us at: http://www.naanyc.org/

Winging It A Memoir of Caring for a Vengeful Parrot Who's Determined to Kill Me By Jenny Gardiner

I'm happy to share an excerpt of Jenny Gardiner's new book, a memoir about life with a crazy African Gray parrot, kids, husband and the usual array of insanity we all face. You can purchase a copy at Amazon HERE. Jenny is a good friend, one of the first "real writers" I met through a writer's list. She is screamingly funny with a finely honed sense of snark. What's not to love?

Winging It: One of my favorite children's books we read with our kids until tattered is Five Minutes' Peace, which is about an elephant mom who can't find solitude to save her soul. As a mother, I could relate. As a pet owner, even more so. And as a writer, I began to recognize solitude as an underrated commodity that tends to remain just past the horizon.

In the midst of puppies and teens and crazy parrots, I had been working under a self-imposed deadline, with the plans to submit my novel to agents to try to then sell it to a New York publishing house. But with my kids home all summer, I had put off most everything writing-related for as long as I could without feeling like an irresponsible slacker. There was, however, a light at the end of the tunnel: back-to-school time. I decided the first day back for my kids would be the day I would finally reclaim my schedule and behave like the disciplined writer I aspired to be.

The day after Labor Day arrived. I drove my kids to school, then returned home without stopping for cappuccino or pastries or groceries or even gas (I’m a very industrious procrastinator). I shunned the chest-high stockpile of dirty laundry awaiting me in the basement, and instead settled my butt down at my desk, intent on knocking out at least an entire book by noon.

My first distraction came from Bridget, who barks at the mere suggestion of movement within a hundred yard radius. This can include a leaf blowing outside the window. You can imagine how many leaves blow outside the window of a house that backs up to the woods. Bridget’s shrill bark set my teeth on edge and immediately my ears pinned back like a collie hearing one of those canine whistles. I tried hard to ignore it.
After about fifteen minutes of intermittent barking, I got up, put her out (with Sassy following obligingly), and again sat down, fingers to the keyboard, ready for my imminent brainstorm. Soon Bridget barked to be let back in. Up again, let them in, back down, ready to get to work. Ah, but everyone wanted a piece of me, so next, the bird got into the act.

Of course Graycie loves to be the center of attention, which is handy since she resides at that unavoidable juncture between our living and dining room, overlooking the kitchen. I was not inclined to open the perch up on the cage, because she'd been getting into a lot of mischief, which would only require yet more of my attention. However Graycie had gotten wise to my disinclination, and had figured out a way to let me know in no uncertain terms that SHE WANTS OUT!, by plinking on the metal bars with her beak, PLING! PLING! PLING! The bird’s got staying power, and can plink without cessation for a half an hour easily. You've heard of road rage? Maybe even 'roid rage? Well Graycie, it seems, had developed a bad case of cage rage.

My intent was not to imprison Graycie, but once her bad-tempered behavior begins, I cannot reward it by caving to her demands. When I can keep an eye on her, I will open the cage, but because she’d recently become so devious (including sneaking off the couch to make mincemeat of my furniture), I knew I couldn’t deal with the consequences at that particular time. But after twenty solid minutes of plink, plank, plink, plank, bing, bang, bong, I couldn't take it any longer and relented, hating myself all the more for engaging in head games with a parrot.

I approached the bird and stooped to remove the top layer of newspaper from the bottom of the cage--the one littered with wasted parrot chow and dropped food and dropped, um, droppings. As I leaned over, Graycie scurried down the inside of the cage, ever on the prowl for an attack strategy (something she of course does with relish). Reaching through the cage, she was able to grab a chunk of my hair and pull. I looked up to see a shred of blonde highlights clamped in her beak.

Helpless, I warned her to behave, and then raced back to the top of the cage to open the perch before she again rushed after me, hoping to maul me before I could safely move away. It was like a game of dodge ball, only I was avoiding a blade instead of a hard leather ball. My parrot has such a charming disposition. Safely out of harm’s way, I returned to my computer, ready to get to work.

Immediately Graycie scooted along the bars, beak to claw, beak to claw, to the bottom of the cage, this time on the outside. She'd decided it was time to pull the newspaper sheets out from the bottom of the tray and shred them all over my clean floor. Within ten minutes, enough paper was strewn about to accommodate a nest of large rodents. She’d done this after depositing an enormous splat of bird poo below, which helped to adhere the paper to the hardwood floor. This is why I’d preempted an even larger mess by removing that top sheet beforehand--it’s bad enough to have shredded yet somewhat clean newspaper decorating one's living space, but add to it strewn old bits of sticky fruit, decomposing vegetables, and dried bird excrement…Martha Stewart would not be impressed.

Rather than allowing myself to be diverted yet again, I decided to ignore the mess, and return to my computer. Twenty plus minutes into my new work regimen, a noticeable silence settled in. I glanced toward the cage, only to realize no bird was either in it or on it. A look under the dining room table revealed Graycie click-clacking her pigeon-toed black talons across the expanse of my dining room, a trail of droppings in her wake and her defiant red tail feathers dragging behind her as if to say “up yours!” There's something somewhat shameful about being flipped off by a household pet.

I heaved a sigh, and headed over toward the bird. First I suggested to Graycie that she get back onto the cage before the dogs ate her. She looked at me with two words in her eyes: “Yeah, right.” She continued wandering astray, with no intention of following my gentle hints.

I’ve often found that so much in life is based on certain social contracts working as planned. You take it for granted, for example, that, generally speaking, your kids will obey you. When they become old enough and defiant enough, the jig’s up. They’ve figured out that ultimately, you hold very little sway over them. By then you hope they’re conditioned to behave within acceptable social parameters. And so it goes with Graycie, who clearly has realized that she holds the upper hand over me. Only she hasn’t picked up on that whole social contract thing yet. And she’s got a tool in her arsenal that I am lacking: her menacing, hooked, and ever-so-sharp black keratin beak, a lethal tool for which I have enormous respect. And fear. And loathing. With it she can readily crush the rock-hard shell of a brazil nut. Deforest a home's worth of decorative houseplants. Shred my living room furniture. Or choose to bite my finger off. Maim me. De-eyeball me if she really wanted to. She’s not afraid to wield it against me (I have the scars, both physical and mental, to prove it).

So instead of forcing the issue, I retrieved a broom, hoping to scare her back up onto the cage. As I began to sweep, she aggressively chased both me and the broom, biting the bristles and pecking at my ankles, while repeating over and over again, "Hello, gray chicken. Hello, gray chicken" in my voice (it’s a term of endearment I often call her).

By this time I was entertaining visions of parrot-on-a-spit and was threatening her with parroticide (if that's not a word, it should be). The stubborn bird would simply not comply. To the rescue came Bridget, who had gotten wind of the psitticine escapee on the loose. She careened into the room, nearly toppling the bird. Graycie began flapping her wings, scattering hundreds of bits of newspaper throughout the living room, dining room and kitchen (curse that open floor plan!), the remnants of a ticker tape parade celebrating her escape. As the dog skidded into the cage, Graycie yelled, "Bridget! NOOOO! You're a BAD, BAD GIRL! Stop it NOW!"

Lucky for her my murderous notions of throttling and stuffing her into my electric smoker were replaced by my laughter. But just barely.

At that point, I gave up on bothering with both Graycie and her chaos, and instead took my laptop onto the front porch where the mess and the pets would remain out of sight, out of mind, and blessedly out of earshot.

Yes. For Some Autism Requires A Cure.

April is Autism Awareness month. There's a lot of really good work being done for people across the spectrum, from the severely affected to the far less affected but still in some way, held back by their diagnosis. Awareness is good. It might help a Mom whose child is sucking her thumb in Church - at 15. Or the Dad whose son has asked the bored to death clerk about helicopters six times while checking out of Target.

There is still a push to call seeking a cure for autism undesireable. A call to spread the word that autism is a brain difference, perhaps like left or right handedness.

Bullshit. Take a 2:57 gander at this little girl. Nine years old and non-verbal. Like my Bella. Take a long hard look and tell me she doesn't deserve a cure. Did I already say bullshit? Because that's how I feel.

Autism Can Be Deadly from the Outside In.

Here is a sad story and stark reminder of the stress for families doing their best to keep a child with autism (whether 5, 15 or 45) safe. It is from WSB Radio Atlanta. I often compare autism to cancer - and am lambasted for opening the conversation that autism can, like cancer, be deadly. Not from the inside out, but from the outside in.

Our condolences to the Dejons family.

The search for a missing six-year-old Douglas County boy has ended.

Douglas County Sheriff Phil Miller tells WSB the autistic child wandered off from his home in the Middle Lake Subdivision in Villa Rica Wednesday afternoon.

Authorities from all over including the Georgia State Patrol, which provided its helicopter, helped in the search. Hours later, he was found nearby.

"Unfortunately, we found the child in the lake and he had passed away. We don't suspect foul play. It's just a sad, sad tragedy," said Miller.

The child has been identified as Christian Dejons.

What I WOULD Have Said At Autism Awareness Day in Hartford

Well, I schlepped up to Hartford, 53+ miles away, this morning to participate in Autism Awareness Day at the Capitol. Shannon K. from Autism Speaks was kind enough to help facilitate my participation with a woman named such and such who runs some big autism something or other here in the state. I have been in CT for 5 years with 3 kids on the spectrum and she's never crossed my radar screen in any meaningful way, so I don't know what she actually does. I'm down in the "NY" part of the state though, and we're kind of segregated.

So, there I was, in Hartford ready to go. Poor Shannon had to tell me I was not on the list of speakers. It was entirely NOT her fault. Now mind you, I knew I had a mere 60 seconds to speak. I had no intention of rambling on about mercury and vaccines and the audacious, some would say uppity, concept of recovery or cure. No, no, I was willing to play along like a good girl as I heard the words uttered by one speaker, "A lifelong condition..." blah blah and then something about, "And we'll have a Medicaid waiver in a few years!" and welcome to our sixth (strike up the brass band and pass me a firecracker!) Autism Awareness day! YAY! In that time the numbers continue to skyrocket and hot diggety damn we're aware! The room should have been draped in black crepe with a dirge playing in the background. But I digress, as it my wont.

I asked Mrs. Such and Such why I wasn't on the list any longer. Insert ruffling feathers sound here. I marched up to the Senator in charge and asked why I wasn't on the list. " Well I didn't know you until three days ago and..." Ah ha....... Someone Googled KimmyKat and didn't like what she saw, perhaps? So rather than give me the courtesy of an email saying, "The list is full and we're so sorry," I showed up for naught. Don't make me put on pantyhose for nothing, people. It's not nice.

Shannon was the only speaker to convey the urgency of the autism situation. Her son was there, and is a doll. She also spoke to some good things going on with hiring people on the spectrum. I have a saying, "Don't punish progress." Walgreens and now Lowe's are working toward hiring people on the spectrum and I'm not complaining. CT has a bill to offer a tax incentive to companies who hire people on the spectrum, and I hope that will include Asperger's.

So, here's my presentation. I was going to hold each photo up individually, but I'll just write the script under the photos I snapped for the blog. OK?

Hi, I'm Kim Stagliano and I live in Trumbull. I am Mom to a beautiful 15 year old girl with autism named Mia. (Hold up photo.) Hi, I'm Kim Stagliano. I am Mom to a beautiful 13 year old girl with autism named Gianna. (Hold up photo.) Hi. I'm Kim Stagliano. I am Mom to a beautiful 9 year old girl with autism named Bella. (Hold up photo.)

In ten seconds I'm going to talk to you about the needs facing the autism community for care, treatment, recovery (yeah, I was gonna let that fly) special education, living assistance, employment and elder care as the population ages. How could I do that in the now 5 seconds I have left. (Flip over each child's photo to reveal.)