Happy Halloween from Dominican Academy, Plainville MA (sort of)

Halloween maybe 1986 or 1987. Martha was my roommate - love her Trivial Pursuit card costume! That was my 5th grade uniform. The waist is elastic. It still has the red and blue ball point pen markings in some of the squares that I drew in while drifting mentally away from class, as usual. Sr. Lourdette was my teacher. She was the best. I also have my 6th grade blue and red jumper. And a couple of jackets from cheerleading for the Plainville Packers and dancing for the Young Sophisticates dancing school. Dig the Polaroid film and the shiny Danskin tights. UGH!

Suck It Willliams Sonoma

I blogged about the outrageously priced Halloween cakes in the Williams Sonoma catalog. I know, I know, it's Williams Sonoma, it's supposed to be grossly overpriced, right? Now - I happen to love W-S. I ask for a gift card from there each Christmas. My husband used to sell them fine products that they promptly marked up so high you needed a fine linen embroidered hankie to wipe the blood off your nose.

They showcased three darling Halloween cakes from some bakery somewhere. the cakes were $89 or $99 dollars. And they were tiny! An 8" tall cake is not going to feed "8-10" unless your idea of a serving is a petit-four. That's their ghost cake in the photo.
I wrought my revenge, however, by stealing their concept and making my own ghost cakes yesterday for our Church School party. How easy was it?

I used left over fondant from the wedding cake I made. Rolled it out. Cut it into circles with a lid. Draped it over store bought minim-muffins and added two dabs of tube gel decorating icing. Phew! I'm beat. (Roll eyes here.) For my girls, who can not eat the muffins, I made GFCF rice treats and draped the fondant over them. Total cost? About $5 for 14 servings. Scary, huh?

Who me?

A friend sent me this letter the other day. It seems that the tone, tenor and general insanity of this letter writer reminded my friend of someone.... I'm shocked, I tell you. I did not write this letter. I do now wonder if I have a long lost sister. Read it and have a good laugh.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I
appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or
Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and
secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you
haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can
already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the
human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating,
puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying
jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for
most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the
reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful
I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy'
about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and
lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local
Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in
a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic
message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's
actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is
Wrong',

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,
there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my
maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending
bullshit.

And that's a promise I will keep. Always. . ..
Best,
Wendi

Writing, Ranting, Reading

Writing

My book is coming along pretty well. I got feedback from my editor that didn't start with, "We've burned your contract. What were we thinking?" which was a relief.

Ranting

I'm pretty annoyed with the soda/beverage industry. Have you seen the ridiculous ad against the Soda Tax - the angry Melina Kanakaredes looking model is with her child in the grocery store lamenting that they can't buy crappy junk food - BECAUSE OF THE TAX ON SODA. Lady, lay off the soda. Skip the Lucky Charms. Buy the broccoli.

Reading

Just finished A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. I'm reaching childrens and young adult books these days. I find them more honest, less sappy, and frankly, more interesting than most of the books I've picked up in the last few months.

So what's new with you?

I wrote a HuffPo for our Friend Who Died Last Month

My Friend With ALS. He Died Quickly.

I'd appreciate if you'd pop over and comment.

This Feels Like a Skirt that's Just A Bit Too Tight, but Looks Nice.


A Parishioner in our Church is a staff writer for The National Catholic Register. He wrote a lovely article HERE about our family. It's beautifully done and I accept the kindness with open arms. At the same time, it feels a bit uncomfortable to me, as we are not perfect Catholics, nor do we want to be, frankly. We have our differences with the Church. And if our priests make us pray for the Yankees and the Giants one more time I might stand up and scream, "Is that holy water or Kool Aid!"

Mark and Kim Stagliano couldn’t have been happier. Posing with their three young daughters right after 14-year-old Mia and 13-year-old Gianna, the two oldest, made their first holy Communion together last year, they thanked God for the amazement of his grace.

“Having that picture in our house of the girls in their white dresses,” says Kim, “is visual proof they made their first holy Communion, and we’re able to walk together as a family to Communion on Sunday.” All three daughters have autism.

Before the Staglianos became parishioners at St. Theresa Church in Trumbull, Conn., Kim attended her nephew’s first holy Communion in Ohio, and she remembers thinking that Mia might not be able to make hers...

On the other hand... The title of my Kimoir is, "All I Can Handle. I'm No Mother Teresa." And I mean it. I am NO Mother Teresa. I'm not even Moms Mabley (look her up, she's even before my time.) I can be a rotten wife, a pathetically icky Mom and a snarky b*tch.

However, we have gotten back to Church since moving to the Godless heathen Northeast. And it's precisely because St. Theresa's staff and Parishioners were kind to, and welcomed, our three children.

Design Flaw

This is our microwave oven. It pulls down, like a stove. See those giant hooks? They latch the oven closed. If you are wearing a sweater, and you pull your cup of coffee out of the microwave, there is a good chance that you will snag your sweater on the latch hook, spill your coffee and swear in front of your children. Design flaw.

New Book By Brother of Boy with Autism: Saving Deets!

Zack Gonzalez is a 16 year old whose brother Ethan, aka "Deets" has autism. Countless siblings are dealing with the issues of having a brother or sister with autism. Few are able convey the gravity of that experience, their hope for some form of recovery, engage in charitable work and offer advice to families the way Zack has done so well in Saving Deets.

We have a signed copy for one lucky Age of Autism reader. Leave a comment HERE to enter. I hope you go to Zack's site HERE and order a copy, to support him.

From his site: Saving Deets! is Zack's first book. It is his family's journey with his autistic brother, Ethan, aka Deets, told through his eyes. The book covers, acceptance, recovery and making a difference

The book is filled with heart-filled stories and pictures from Zack & other hand-picked families. It is bold and controversial, yet soft and loving. It also includes helpful tips and information including different charts.

The book is $18.50 but exclusively sold for only $17.00 when purchased from www.zackgonzalez.com & you get to choose which organization you would like to donate a potion of the proceeds to. The book can also be purchased at: Trafford Bookstore
& will soon be available World-Wide in all bookstores this November!

GM Flexible Earnings Card from HSBC GO TO HELL.

Hi - not a lot of time. Count your blessings. But I need to complain to you, to the Banks, to President Obama.

Each month, I pay my minimum plus $150 to a credit card with $3000 on it. (Try moving twice in twelve months with a job loss in the middle and see how much savings you have.) I pay my bills with online banking. I go in, click the payee, make the payment. Takes me five minutes. I haven't licked an envelope in years.

During a recent 31 day month, it seems that my payment arrived at the credit card company, HSBC, too early. So it was in the previous billing cycle. I got off kilter with them. They assumed my next payment was LATE. I have paid every month, the same amount. They can count nine payments this year.

My interest rate went from under 10% to 30%.

I called - they saw I had made every payment and then some. They agreed it was a function of the longer month and my having clicked SEND a day too early. They even removed the $29 late fee! The interest rate must remain for SIX MONTHS.

Because of this, I assume, my Bank of America loan, again, which I am dutifully paying off on time every month, closed down and renegged the credit. Fine by me, I had no intentions of using any credit. We're in paydown mode only. But I have made every payment on time with them - they docked me because of the other card.

This is insane. President Obama, you've offered too little as far as credit card reform and by giving the credit card companies a large window before they must toe the line, they are running AMOK.

You gotta have friends.

And boy do I ever. Mark and I took the kids to Cleveland for a funeral for our dear friend Jim Garibaldi. Jim died on Sunday am, perhaps of a heart attack. He had ALS. His funeral was a fine tribute to him as a loving husband, devoted father and all around success.

In order to attend the wake, I had to ask for help. So, who you gonna call? Michelle O'Neil of course. You know her blog don't you? DON'T YOU? My goodness, race on over to FULL SOUL AHEAD and start reading! She has a beautiful daughter named Riley who has Asperger's and who is doing so very well. And a darling pip of a son named Seth (I hope he liked the skeleton ball I bought him!) Her husband Todd is a dream. Truly.

She came to the hotel laden with goodies for my girls and wine for Mark and me - aaaaahhhhh. It's funny, I have family members with whom I would not entrust the girls for two hours and feel secure. With Michelle, I walked out the door knowing that all was well. No stress at all.

I hope you have friends on whom you can call when you need help. It's a learned skill, asking for help. Fortunately, practice makes perfect. And I've had plenty of practice.

Thank you, Michelle.

We're off to a funeral.

NEW GHANA SCAM! T-shirts?

This was in my gmail. Could someone alert the Ghanamanians (what do you call them?) that I stopped selling ASI and T-shirts about a decade ago.

Ministry of health Social welfare department P. 0 Box m44 ministries Accra, Ghana tell/fax +233248646213 Email :mofaghana22009@gmail.com

CONTRACT PURCHASE OF T-SHIRTNAME OF PROJECT: CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE SPREAD OF HIV/AIDSGRANT NO: HI90-MDILOAN NO: IFSWD 679/MDIFB TITLE: SUPPLY AND DELIVERY OF T-SHIRTIFB NUMBER <<>>SUN/IFA/T-SHIRTS/04/20091.

the ministry of health and social welfare of the republic of Ghana through the Government of Ghana has received grant and loan from the international Development Association and international fund for social welfare Development respectively toward healthcare improvement and social welfare project, and we intender to apply part of the proceeds of the grant and loan to payment under the contract for procurement of two million pieces of t-shirt for the campaign against HIV/AIDS.2.

Having known your company as one with international recognition we intend to contact your company to supply the required t-shirt to this organization with 100% advance payment by us upon fulfillment of our official obligation. We shall send our official requirements and specification of the desired t-shirt to you once Acknowledgment letter is received. If you are interested in this contract please reply within 24hours of this letterRev. Mr.mark kwesi frankSecretary (S W DEPT

I'll report back in three weeks. Ab Circle
Pro is in the House.

Poopin' with Jenny McCarthy

Last night I dreamt about Jenny McCarthy, Mom, actress, author, child health and safety activist and advocate and funny, funny lady. Men who dream about Jenny get the sexy part. Women who dream about her might be looking for hair or makeup tips, or info on how to help their children. Most women, that is. Me? We compared poop.

I was a party at Jenny's house. She was not there. I had to use the bathroom and I snuck away to her bathroom for privacy - and I think to run away from my children for a moment. Now, if you are like me (and most women, I'm convinced) pooping is reserved for the home field. Pooping in public places is verboten. The newswoman on Howard Stern Lisa G admitted to pooping at work occasionally and the team immediately came up with an intro song for her that sounds all proper and newlike except the lyrics are "Lisa G Take Shits at Worrrrrrrk."

There is a product selling like gangbusters to address this tissue issue - check it out, it's called Poo Pourri. I kid you not. Mark knows the woman who invented it. It's essential oils you spray onto the toilet water before using the toilet. People think you just crapped an orange when you leave the stall.

So, back to the dream. I am on the toilet when Jenny walks in. She is surprised. As am I - and apologetic. Then she says, "Wait, are you pooping? Here, look at mine!" And somehow her poop appears on the counter. And we compare.

This is what autism Moms do. We examine our kids' poop all the time. For texture, color, smell (it's hell but the off smell off the offal off smell can really tell if you're child is well) and creepy critters. Yes, worms. We rarely examine each other's though.

Tonight, maybe I'll just stay awake.

(My apologies to the Coprophilia crowd who is now sorely disappointed in this post.)

Win Dan Burns's Saving Ben: A Father's Story of Autism

We're giving away TWO free copies of Dan Burns's, Saving Ben: A Father's Story of Autism. Click HERE to enter at Age of Autism. (If you've any trouble commenting, you can enter by sending an email to kimstagliano@gmail.com)

If you don't win, you can order a copy at a 30% discount by clicking, HERE, select "add to cart" and use discount code 3B. You can also order the book at Amazon. Visit Dan's website at SavingBenBook. Here's a letter from the author.

Hi Age of Autism Reader,

I’d like to tell you about my book, Saving Ben: A Father’s Story of Autism. People Magazine called it “A wonderful read that will make parents look at their own children, disabled or not—and find so much to cherish” (Sept 14, 2009).

Other reviewers had this to say:

• “Powerful and inspirational, filled with and tragedy and triumph, it’s the story of one father's journey to hell to rescue his son from the grips of autism. I could not put this book down.” Nancy Master, AoA reader and mother of a formerly autistic child.
  
• “A great read, and inspirational, teaching us that we can overcome obstacles with faith, hope and determination.” AoA reader Lisa Hunter Ryden of the NAA Central Texas Chapter.

“This book is not just about autism. It is about struggling against prejudice. It is about trying to access information clouded by egos and stereotypes. It is about fighting an archaic system. And of course, it is about the strongest force in the universe: the love a parent has for a child.” Sylvia Pimentel, AoA reader, moderator of the Sacramento Autism Biomedical Group and parent of two boys with autism.

Questions or comments? Write to me at daneburns45@gmail.com. For more details, see my website at http://www.savingbenbook.com/. I hope you enjoy Saving Ben: A Father’s Story of Autism.

Best,

Dan E. Burns, Ph.D.

STEPHEN PARRISH (click that name, it's a link.)

Remember that name - his book "The Tavernier Stones" is coming out next year. THE TAVERNIER STONES, "a fast-paced story involving a cartographer and jewel thief who join forces to recover legendary, lost jewels and solve an ancient mystery," will be published in 2010 by Midnight Ink.

Stephen lives in Germany - he knocked my socks off with this post. Please read it, don't be put off if your politics differs - read to the bottom. Get a tissue.

Set Your Snark-O-Meter to Kill

Quiz time! Two kids had a birthday today! Two Moms sent goodies to school. Can you guess which Mom is Kim? And which goodie went straight into the trashcan while a 13 year hollered, "THAT'S JUNK!" And how many children sat nicely in class today? Fewer than a non-birthday school day? Probably, if they ate that chemically artificially colored toxic crap masquerading as food. Those cutsie Teddy Grahams? Unbleached flour (wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, Folic acid, graham flour (whole grain wheat flour) soybean oil, partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil, dextrose, honey, maltodextrinm calcium carbonate salt, baking soda, soy lecithin, zinc oxide (OOH! SUNSCREEN!) reduced iron.

Skittles? Well, after 42 clicks in the Skittles site - I got to their Wiki page, where the decline to tell you what's in their cruddy candy. (Which happens to be a FAVORITE of autism ABA therapists although GOD only knows why you'd ply a child with neurological differences a ball full of chemicals and High fructose corn syrup and then EXPECT THEM TO BEHAVE!!!

I found a list of ingredients though: Sugar, Corn Syrup, Hydrogenated Palm Kernel Oil, Apple Juice from Concentrate, Less than 2% Citric Acid, Dextrin, Modified Corn Starch, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Coloring (includes Yellow 6 Lake, Red 40 Lake, Yellow 5 Lake, Blue 2 Lake, Yellow 5, Red 40, Yellow 6, Blue 1 Lake, Blue 1)Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C)

Those not quite as attractive, far less colorful and probably mostly thrown in the trash by the children who barely recognized them as edible, even though they cost a small fortune to bake cookies? White rice flour, evaporated cane juice (unprocesses sugar) sweet rice flour, potato starch, cream of tartar, cocoa, vanilla powder (gluten free) xanthan gum, baking soda, arrowroot.

Birthday Girl

Today is Bella's birthday. Nine years old! We lived outside of Cleveland when I had her. My OB suggested I come into the hospital to deliver her the night of one of my last appointments. He didn't think I'd make it to the hospital if I went into labor at home. No need in having a child named, "Grand Caravan Stagliano," eh?

Bella was breach. We did an in utero inversion - flipped her using brute force. I regret that. I think we injured her. I sure do. She's not the same as her sisters. Her "autism" is not the same.

My Mom jumped on a plane, as usual. Her cab driver to the airport got a flat! My sister in law came over to watch Mia and Gianna, who were four and five years old. I used the same birth doula who'd helped me deliver Mia. No drugs. Bella was born in about 3 hours. She was much bigger than her sisters - almost a pound! Who knew a few ounces could make such a difference.

At the end, my OB yelled at me, "GET THIS BABY OUT!" I was struggling and frankly, by the third, the pain was fiercer than ever and I was just so damn tired from being Mom to Mia and Gianna. They'd just been diagnosed with autism ten months before and I'd started an intense in home therapy program.

They say every baby is born into a different family. Too true for Bella. Five months after her birth, Mia started having Grand Mal seizures - and I pretty much ignored Bella while panicking over Mia's health.

She's a beautiful girl, Bella. Perhaps my prettiest child, and Mia and Gianna are no slouches in the looks department. She's eager to engage you - her eyes pull you in.

Mark and I have never heard Bella speak - she's said a few words, has a couple she can repeat. But imagine nine years and you've never heard your child's voice. It stings. Can't lie. It sure does sting.

Happy birthday, Miss Bella Michelle Stagliano. I'd like to wrap up recovery for you, honey. Speech first. I'm still working on it. I won't give up.

Mom

From our Superintendent. Thank You.

Dear Parents,

As you may have heard, President Obama is planning to address the nation’s schoolchildren for approximately 15 minutes at 12:00 noon on September 8. According to a letter to school principals sent by Education Secretary Arne Duncan, the President intends to “challenge students to work hard and take responsibility for their learning.”

Although we certainly support such a message, the airing of this live broadcast on the White House’s Web site has raised some concern throughout the country. I do not want this issue to become a distraction to our academic focus or take away from our superb opening of school.
In keeping with the district’s bipartisan policy, I am advising the Trumbull Public Schools to routinely address this program as it would any other educational topic of interest, such as a rebroadcast of the State of the Union Address, an important debate, or a space launch. I would ask building principals and their teachers to determine if, and in what manner, the program will be shown. School staff know the curriculum and content best, and can utilize whatever segment(s) they believe might result in a positive learning experience for their class.

Thank you.

Sincerely,Ralph M. Iassogna
Superintendent

Thank you Michael Stipe.

Health insurance should be affordable and accessible. I've felt the sting of being turned down by insurance. The panic of not being able to pay the COBRA premiums. The worry of having yet another job and another company and a larger deductible to meet. Please. Open your hearts. Those of us on the outside of insurance are not the enemy. We're your neighbors and friends and family.